October 22, 2013

15 Songs That You Secretly Love But Will Never Admit It

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There are songs that will always be loved universally. These songs transcend generations and will be cherished for the rest of our lives. Then there are the other songs. You know, the ones that you’re supposed to hate, but you keep hidden in your iPod and prevent you from ever putting it on shuffle in front of your friends. We all have them and I’m willing to bet that most of us share the same ones. Here’s a look at 15 songs we all secretly love, but will probably never admit.

1. Jesse McCartney – Beautiful Soul

There is no reason you should like this song. Jesse McCartney doesn’t have another song that anyone could name unless you were a tween when it was released. It’s not unique or original, but for some reason I will never stop loving this stupid song. When that bridge hits and he sings “Am I crazy for loving you?” I usually yell, “No Jesse, you aren’t!” By the way, if you’re looking for a new karaoke song to please the crowd, look no further!

2. B2K – Bump, Bump, Bump

I don’t know the exact number, but I’m fairly certain P. Diddy has put together 614 bands that have been popular for about 20 minutes. None of them have been more forgettable than B2K, but their song “Bump, Bump, Bump” will get me out of my seat and grinding on the nearest lamp post every time. I’m not a fan of Diddy guest verses but even he brings it in this one. If you haven’t heard this song in a while, give it another listen. The guys have voices strong enough that you can still bump this one when you’re driving to the gym.

3. LFO – Summer Girls

I will be the first to admit that these are some of the most poorly written lyrics in the history of music. Most of the words don’t even rhyme and the ones that do are so forced and unrelated it feels more like a conversation with a grandparent suffering from dementia. Still though, I can’t bring myself to ever stop listening to it. Everything in me wants to die when he calls William Shakespeare “Billy” but I’ll be darned if I don’t love it anyway. Why can’t I quit you, LFO?

4. Carly Rae Jepsen – Call Me Maybe

Remember when you couldn’t walk outside without hearing this song? Everyone pretended to be sick of it and acted like they were so mad that it wouldn’t stop playing, but that was all a lie. You know it’s still on your iPod and, while you may not click on it, if your music is on shuffle and you hear that beat kick in, you’re not skipping it. To be honest, I’m listening to this song right now and loving every moment of it.

5. Black Eyed Peas – My Humps

Of all the cartoon-like Black Eyed Peas songs, this may be the most silly of them all. It’s just Will I Am asking Fergie what her intentions are with her butt and boobs then Fergie informing him of her plans. If your shoulders don’t move up and down with each of those opening beats, I truly feel sorry for you. You are dead inside and a complete monster.

6.  Bonnie Tyler – Total Eclipse of the Heart

I have no idea what thing song is about, but that doesn’t stop me from attempting to belt out every last note along with Bonnie Tyler. This is the female equivalent to hair bands. I want to kick over trash cans and feather my bangs every time it comes on. I don’t know who hurt you, Bonnie, but I’m glad you chose to sing about it.

7. Hanson – Mmmbop

There is no other song I secretly love that I also couldn’t name more than 20% of the lyrics. What is going on during that chorus? Are they speaking in tongues? I feel like if you played it backwards you could summon Lord Voldemort from his eternal slumber. Even with the assumed witchcraft, it’s still one of the most fun songs in recent memory that I will never admit to buying when I was 15. (I totally bought it.)

8. George Michael – Careless Whisper

As soon as that saxophone hits, I’m sold. You just don’t get a good saxophone hook like that anymore. The song may get a little mundane in parts, but as soon as it feels like it may be losing you, BOOM, that saxophone kicks back in and George Michael wins another round. How has this song not been sampled in a hip hop song? It’s perfect!

9. Kid Rock – Picture

I always thought this song was a little white trash until I was working with my black friend TJ and this song started playing. I was surprised to see he knew every word, because he could not name another Kid Rock or Sheryl Crow song. He then informed me that this song penetrates any cultural or racial boundaries. “They play this in the hood.” he told me. I would bet money this is the only Sheryl Crow song played in the hood.

10. R. Kelly – Bump N Grind

We can all safely admit that R. Kelly is an insane person. He’s controversial and ridiculously talented. Both of those are never more evident than in his hit song Bump N Grind. You are a liar if you try to tell me that you can hear that opening “My mind is telling me no” line and not immediately sing along. No one dislikes this song. My only regret is that I didn’t lose my virginity to this song because that would have been awesome.

11. Britney Spears – Everytime

Before Britney shaved her head and went insane, she put together this ridiculous pop ballad that truly showcased what amazing producers can do. It’s hokey and melodramatic, but something happened during Spring Breakers when James Franco started playing it on the piano that reignited my love for it and made me realize that I’ve never stopped loving it. It felt like the end of The Notebook. We were in love the whole time, even if I didn’t know it. Love you, B.

12. Bruno Mars – Locked Out of Heaven

Yes I know that it’s basically a rip off of The Police and yes I know that Bruno Mars is one of the most arrogant 4-feet tall men to ever walk the earth, but good luck driving when this song comes on. If you’re anything like me, you have choreographed moves that take place at every red light and end with arm movements so violent they may be illegal in some states.

13. Celine Dion – Because You Loved me

Celine Dion may be one of the most disliked singers in the world, but I dare you to turn on “Because You Loved Me” and not close your eyes while trying to hit those high notes. I have found myself performing an imaginary concert in my seat on airplanes to this song and I’m willing to bet that you have as well. Let the haters hate, Celine. I got you, girl.

14. Afroman – Because I Got High

I have no idea how this song ever gained any sort of popularity, but it constantly reminds me that deep down I’m still a 12-year old. There’s no way they weren’t high when this song was recorded, but it’s just so much fun. If you really want to double down, there’s a Christmas version of it out there on the internet. You know, for all the times you’re looking for the perfect Christmas song about getting high.

15. Fall Out Boy – My Songs Know What You Did In the Dark

Fall Out Boy decided to get back together and write a song that would play at literally every sporting event for the next decade, and that’s exactly what they accomplished. You may think you hate this song, but just wait until you’re at a game, your team scores in an important moment, and this song starts blasting. In that moment it’s better than “Stairway to Heaven” and “American Pie” combined. TC Mark

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