Thought Catalog
May 4, 2017

She Doesn’t Hate You, She Just Needs An Explanation 

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What is the issue?
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Sometimes all she needs is an explanation; a few words telling her what went wrong, what happened, was it her, was it you, was it timing, was there someone else? Sometimes the answer if mainly for her, not for you. She wants to know how to be better at this, how to get closer to finding the one.

Sometimes all she needs is an honest conversation, a mature conversation to listen to your side of the story instead of creating her own, to hear your answers instead of assuming that she knows, to respect you again instead of losing all the respect she had for you.

Sometimes all she needs is a reason instead of thinking you’re full of excuses, instead of going back and rethinking everything she did or going back and wondering if you were even honest or if you were just another liar who fooled her.

Sometimes she just wants to know she’s not a fool. She just wants to know that she’s not making the same mistake over and over again. She just wants to know that there’s nothing wrong with her heart and there’s nothing wrong with the way she loves. Sometimes she just wants to know that she’s not crazy for believing you or dumb for trusting you.

Sometimes she can still be your friend, even if she wanted more, but only if you explain yourself, only if you tell her that you didn’t want to break her heart, only if you tell why you weren’t ready and only if you tell her that you don’t want to lose her.

Sometimes she really doesn’t want to lose you even if she acts otherwise. Even if she becomes distant, even if she deletes your number, even if she forces herself not to text you on your birthday or congratulate you on your new promotion. She’s only protecting herself because she still doesn’t understand what happened, she still can’t tell if you’re good or bad, a player or a nice guy and if you’re kind or cruel.

Sometimes she’s just waiting for you to say something. Waiting for you to apologize. Waiting for you to be upfront with her. Waiting for you to clear the confusion in her head. Waiting for you to treat her like someone you respect and appreciate, not some girl you didn’t care about, not some girl you just dropped, not some girl you decided not to talk to anymore. Sometimes she’s waiting to hear that she wasn’t like any of the other girls and that’s why it scared you.

She doesn’t hate you. She just hates your silence. She hates how you know that she needs an explanation yet you’re refusing to give her one. She hates how you’re choosing not to acknowledge her feelings or her existence. But she can’t hate you, she can’t hate someone she once loved. TC mark

Rania Naim is a poet and author of the new book All The Words I Should Have Said, available here.

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