June 26, 2013

35 ‘Clueless’ Quotes That Make Everyday Life Worth Living

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What is the issue?

tumblr_mp09nxElC21qk3zbdo1_500 Although many of the movies we loved as kids we realize were kind of terrible when we get older (see: Batman and Robin), some only get better with age. For that, I give you Clueless, one of the most endlessly quotable movies of the past two decades and the Mean Girls of the 90’s.

We’re all familiar with bon mots like “As if!” and “Whatever!” but the movie offers an embarrassment of riches for those who endlessly re-watch it. Of the movie’s many great lines, here are some of the best.

35. Cher: Okay, so you’re probably going, “Is this like a Noxzema commercial or what?” But seriously, I actually have a way normal life for a teenage girl.

34. Mr. Hall: So does anyone have any final thoughts on Cher’s oration? Elton?

Elton: Yeah. I can’t find my Cranberries CD. I gotta go to the quad before anyone snags it.

33. Cher: Dionne and I were both named after famous singers of the past, who now do infomercials.

32. Murray: Your man Christian is a cake boy!

Cher and Dionne: (together) A what?

Murray: He’s a disco-dancing, Oscar Wilde-reading, Streisand ticket-holding friend of Dorothy, know what I’m saying?

31. Amber: Was I the only one listening? I thought it reeked.

Cher: No, I believe that’s your designer imposter perfume.

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30. Christian: Do you like Billie Holiday?

Cher: I love him.

29. Cher: I feel like such a heifer. I had two bowls of Special K, 3 pieces of turkey bacon, a handful of popcorn, 5 peanut butter M&M’s and like 3 pieces of licorice.

28. Cher: If it’s a concussion, you have to keep her conscious, okay? Ask her questions.

Elton: What’s seven times seven?

Cher: Stuff she knows!

27. Cher: Where’s my white collarless shirt from Fred Segal. It’s my most capable looking outfit!

26. Mel: Where are you?

Cher: I’m just having a snack at my girlfriend’s.

Mel: Where, in Kuwait?

Cher: Is that in the valley?

25. Cher: Isn’t my house classic? The columns date all the way back to 1972.

24. Cher: I want to do something for humanity.

Josh: How about sterilization?

23. Cher: So okay, I don’t want to be a traitor to my generation and all but I don’t get how guys dress today. I mean, come on, it looks like they just fell out of bed and put on some baggy pants and take their greasy hair (eww!) and cover it up with a backwards cap and like, we’re expected to swoon? I don’t think so.

22. Dionne: Dude, what’s wrong. You suffering from buyers remorse or something?

Cher: God, no! Nothing like that.

21. Cher: Do you prefer fashion victim or ensembly challenged?

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20. Travis: I would like to say this. Tardiness is not something you can do on your own. Many, many people contributed to my tardiness. I would like to thank my parents for never giving me a ride to school, the LA city bus driver who took a chance on an unknown kid and last but not least, the wonderful crew from McDonalds who spend hours making those egg McMuffins without which I might never be tardy.

19. Cher: He does dress better than I do, what would I bring to the relationship?

18. Josh: (watching news about the Bosnian conflict) You look confused.

Cher: Well, uh, I thought they declared peace in the Middle East.

17. Cher: Christian said he’d call the next day, but in boy time that meant Thursday.

16. Josh: You look like Pippi Longstocking.

Cher: Well, you look like Forrest Gump. Who’s Pippi Longstocking?

Josh: Uh, someone Mel Gibson never played.

15. Cher: It’s like that book I read in the 9th grade that said, “‘Tis a far, far better thing doing stuff for other people.”

14. Heather: It’s just like Hamlet said, “To thine own self be true.”

Cher: Hamlet didn’t say that.

Heather: I think I remember Hamlet accurately.

Cher: Well, I remember Mel Gibson accurately, and he didn’t say that. That Polonius guy did.

13. Tai: Cher, I don’t want to do this anymore. And my buns, they don’t feel nothin’ like steel.

12. Tai: Do you think she’s pretty?

Cher: No, she’s a full-on Monet.

Tai: What’s a monet?

Cher: It’s like a painting, see? From far away, it’s OK, but up close, it’s a big old mess.

11. Cher: Sometimes you have to show a little skin. This reminds boys of being naked, and then they think of sex. And anything you can do to draw attention to your mouth is good.

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10. Cher: Searching for a boy in high school is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie.

9. Tai: Cher, you’re a virgin?

Cher: You say that like it’s a bad thing.

Dionne: Besides, the PC term is “hymenally challenged.”

8. Cher: (in regards to losing her virginity) You see how picky I am about my shoes and they only go on my feet.

7. Cher: Been shopping with Dr. Seuss?

Dionne: Well at least I wouldn’t skin a collie to make my back pack.

Cher: It’s faux.

6. Cher: I was surfing the crimson wave. I had to haul ass to the ladies’.

5. Tai: Why should I listen to you, anyway? You’re a virgin who can’t drive.

Cher: That was way harsh, Tai.

4. Amber: Ms. Stoeger, my plastic surgeon doesn’t want me doing any activity where balls fly at my nose.

Dionne: Well, there goes your social life.

3. Cher: That’s Ren and Stimpy. They’re way existential.

2. Tai: I could really use some sort of herbal refreshment.

Dionne: Oh, well we do lunch in ten minutes. We don’t have any tea, but we have Coke and stuff.

Tai: No shit. You guys got Coke here?

Dionne: Well, yeah.

Cher: Yeah, this is America.

1. Cher: So like, right now for example. The Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all, “What about the strain on our resources?” Well it’s like when I had this garden party for my father’s birthday, right? I put R.S.V.P. ’cause it was a sit-down dinner. But some people came that like did not R.S.V.P. I was like totally buggin’. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, and squish in extra place settings. But by the end of the day it was, like, the more the merrier.And so if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haitians. And in conclusion may I please remind you it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty. Thank you very much. TC mark

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image – Tumblr/TheMall