20 Signs You Need To Break Up
1. You fight more than once a month, and it always ends in what my friend calls “The State of the Union” where you discuss breaking up but never do.
2. You find yourself bored when they talk, and thinking about other things watching their lips move.
3. You look forward to nights you can go out with friends without them.
4. You don’t want to introduce them to people as your significant other so you just settle on, “Uh…this is [their name].”
5. They tell you they’re going away for a few days for work, or a family thing and you start planning all the stuff you’re gonna do without them.
6. If someone hits on you, you let them buy you drinks and flirt back. You’re not gonna cheat but it’s no good to send away someone with potential right?
7. When they express their opinion about something, you think it’s ridiculous and you feel like they look down on your opinions too.
8. You feel afraid to express yourself because they tend to interrupt you or condescend to you until you feel dismissed.
9. They don’t please you sexually and you don’t feel like you can tell them what you need.
10. They’ve ever raised a hand to you, even if they never actually hit you. If they’ve shoved you or threatened violence, that’s enough.
11. You miss out on fun events and hang outs because you feel obligated to stay in with them.
12. They make fun of your ambitions and seem to have none of their own.
13. They never do anything considerate for you without you having to needle them into doing it. It’s not as cute when you have to ask them to “surprise” you with flowers.
14. They talk shit about your friends and/or family. You’re allowed to complain about them because you love them. They are not.
15. They disagree with you on some fundamental stuff like the importance of feminism or abortion or the death penalty and they don’t respect your opinion.
16. When you go out together, you end up drunkenly fighting and crying in the street like a hot mess.
17. They get insanely jealous of any friends you have that might even remotely be interested in you. It shows they don’t trust you.
18. They hate your taste in movies, music and books and they like to let you know every single day that their taste is way better.
19. You can’t remember the last time they affectionately kissed your forehead for no reason.
20. You fantasize about breaking up with them more than once a week.
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Describe for us the threesome with your OKCupid hookup.
If this doesn’t become the biggest video on the Internet, then I have no faith left in humanity.
I’m about to finish up my sophomore fall of college, and friends from home are getting married and having babies and sufficiently freaking me out.
He was a perfect date. I later got drunk and hacked his phone (who uses their birth year for a password? It was 1986, by the way #teamcougar). What I found was a text to a Kristina explaining his aforementioned sex dream he’d had about her while sleeping next to me in a luxurious hotel bed.