Thought Catalog
April 11, 2017

All The Times I Said ‘I’m Sorry’ When I Should Have Said ‘Goodbye’

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What is the issue?
God & Man

You were manipulating. You had this way about you that no matter what you did, somehow you found a way to turn it on me. You were able to make me feel bad. I was always the one left begging for forgiveness. I was always the one who was saying “I’m sorry.”

Why was that? How could you do that to someone that you said you loved? How is it possible to even be able to live that way? Did you ever feel bad? Did you ever believe that you were at fault and in the wrong? Or was it really that you always believed all of our problems were because of me and had nothing to do with things that you had done?

There were so many red flags that I was missing. There was so many thing I should have saw. There were so many times I was left apologizing when really the only thing I should have been saying was goodbye.

1. All of those times you told me to stop crying and that there was nothing to be sad about.

How dare you talk to me like that. How dare you minimize my feelings and the hurt that I am dealing with just because you don’t know how to feel pain like that on your own. How dare you have the audacity to tell me your sick of me crying when ¾ of the time that I’m crying, it is because of you.

2. All of those times that you made me feel like the bad guy for not trusting you.

How quickly you forgot that our trust issues were all because of you. How quickly you seemed to ignore the fact that you were the one talking to your ex behind my back and that you were the one constantly flirting with other girls.

3. The times that you told me I was too needy for wanting to spend more time with you and talk to you throughout the day.

My freakin bad that I want to spend time with the person I am dating. God forbid I want to send a couple of texts back and forth during the day just to get the comfort and happiness from the person that I love.

4. All of the days you called me crazy for being mad when you blew off our plans

How could you expect me to not care all of the times that you blatantly blew me off? Did you really think that ditching me last minute to go get wasted with your friends wasn’t going to upset me.

5. All the times that you called me crazy, psycho, and insane.

You were able to throw around those words so effortlessly. You always made me feel crazy for wanting to spend time with you. I was psycho when I wanted to know why your ex was calling you and of course I was insane every time I would get mad at something hurtful you would do, again.

6. All of the times that we went to bed angry, because you weren’t ready to talk about things.

God forbid I wanted to settle things before we went to sleep. God forbid I would rather stay up an extra hour talking things out then spend the night crying myself to sleep wondering what is going to happen in the morning. All I wanted was to make things better, every single time.

All I ever wanted was to make you happy. All I ever tried to do was be the best girlfriend I could be. No matter how badly you were in the wrong, and I was the one that was hurt, you always found a way to make me feel like I was the one that needed to apologize. Every single time I was left saying sorry, when what I should have been saying was goodbye. TC mark

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