When You Heal Yourself First, The Rest Will Fall Into Place

How would you describe your relationship with yourself? Is it a kind, compassionate and nurturing one or does it encompass a critical voice? It is important we understand the way we treat ourselves because it impacts how we relate to others. I realise many people have been hurt, whether it be through childhood wounds or intimate relationships. We have all experienced pain and suffering at some point. However, this shouldn’t mean we carry our emotional wounds around and unload them on others. Whilst we may not have consented to the experience that caused us pain, it is incumbent on us to heal the wounds and find our way back to wholeness.

Life is not fair at the best of times, yet if we buy into this narrative, we are bound to lose hope. It is better we see life as a process where good things happen and sometimes unfortunate things happen. I’m not convinced life is out to get us. However, in my early 20s I was certain it was, since unpleasant experiences seemed like I was being punished. It wasn’t until my early 30s I realised it was my thoughts that regulated how I interacted with life. That is to say, the wisdom of the years has taught me that life is impartial and my thinking determines my outlook. I am the tuning fork and life echoes back the experience of my thoughts. Ever since then, I have become attentive to my surroundings and inner world. For example, if I’m ruminating on something negative, I will see evidence of this in my waking life, such as repeated TV commercials about what I am focusing on. I am attentive to it and snap out of it quickly. Have you noticed this in your life? Do you observe your surroundings and pay attention to your inner world such as your dreams?

The point I wish to make is that healing is an inside out job. It begins by nurturing our thoughts with what we want to show up in our life. What we believe at a deeper level becomes our destiny, whether we like it or not. We are not victims given the deeper meaning behind every experience that teaches us valuable lessons. I see life as one giant mirror and we are the architects and creators of our reality. What we call a deleterious experience is the universe shining a light on our thoughts. I know this may sound insensitive but the universe doesn’t care what we think about. The universe is aligned with fundamental laws and when we abide by them, the circumstances of our life flow like a stream. We create every experience through our thoughts. Therefore, if we wish to heal the past, we ought to concede that nothing is an accident but results from our thinking. Is this an idea you are willing to embrace? Irrespective of your life’s experience up till now, are you willing to give life a chance?

When you make it a priority to heal yourself first, everything falls into place. When we perceive life differently, outside circumstances begin to reflect our thoughts. Granted, it may take a while but what is the rush? I often hear people talk about healing to the extent it is now embellished on social media with inspirational quotes. But no one tells us what it requires because no two paths to healing are the same. Some people spend their entire life healing and are still wounded. Healing requires understanding we are already whole as spiritual beings, yet throughout life we take on beliefs that distort this sense of wholeness. Healing is seeing past the illusion we are broken or need to be fixed. Whilst healing is important, integrating our wounds into the wholeness of our true nature is vital. We were never broken to begin with but lose our way throughout our earthly existence.

Healing requires putting the pieces of our life back together and stripping away what is not essential. It requires letting go of negativity by way of: fear, anger, anxiety and other disempowering states. These states find their way into our psyche and just like a computer virus, cause destruction until it takes over. Our job is to heal these distorted beliefs and replace them with the truth. We are none of these things and that is why healing is a return to love; the place we originated from and where we will eventually return. This is the essence of the message espoused by the spiritual teacher and author Matt Khan who writes in Everything Is Here to Help You: A Loving Guide to Your Soul’s Evolution: “When rooted in the vibration of love, we don’t have to be completely healed in order to bring forth the kindness and care that already dwells within us. Love inspires us to console the innocence within our heart that wishes it felt something other than how things are.” With this is mind, your task over the coming days is to write down a list of what you believe is standing in your way of living a remarkable life. On a separate page, write down whether you know for certain this is true? How can you reframe these beliefs? What needs to change to create empowering beliefs and are you prepared to do the work? Once we heal ourselves, life begins to mirror our inner world because we have attended to the root cause of our pain.