33 Women Confess What They Worry About Before Hooking Up With A Man For The First Time

By Thought Catalog, October 19th 2018

https://thoughtcatalog.com/?p=925993

22. My biggest fear is how they will react to my scars.

“My biggest fear is how they will react to my scars.

I self-harmed for 11 years, and my scars are mostly grouped to my thighs. I’m always terrified until I explain it a million ways, then the pants come off and they see them. Even if the room is dark, they are keloid scars, easily felt.

I actually had a guy slip my jeans off and run his hands over my thighs, only to recoil and ask what the fuck was up with my leg. But on the other hand, most guys seek out my legs, knowing how big a deal they are to me, and they admire them, or kiss them, or trace the lines.

My ex told me that he didn’t want to fuck with the lights on, or after swimming in cold water, because they were gross to him. But my best friend of 13 years, boyfriend for 5 of those years, asks about how they are healing now, years after we’ve broken up, and always reminds me that a good man will see them as proof I am worth loving, ‘because I fought so hard to be here to meet him.’

My boyfriend now doesn’t even notice them anymore. I feel safe and happy. And I hope I never have to go through the scars talk with anyone else ever.”

—FluorescentShadow

Thought Catalog

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.