If Twitter Bios Told The Truth

“No one who knows me IRL would use any of these words to describe me, ever.”

“I edit this space every ~3 days because I have identity issues.”

“I don’t see the irony in calling myself a social media guru despite a glaring discrepancy in my follower : following ratio. In related news, I am probably a happier person than you are.”

“My employer will fire me if I tweet the wrong thing, but at least they provide health insurance.”

“Unattributed quote from a Drake/ Odd Future/ Lil Wayne song.”

“I define myself by the hip company I work for, impressed yet? …How about now?”

“My Klout score is my bio because I have no idea what a Klout score is, therefore it must be chic. Right? Guys?”

“I am taking extreme liberties.”

“My bio is vague because this Twitter handle belongs to my internet alter-ego; I don’t exist offline. You heard it here first.”

“Even though I’m an infamous celebrity, I’m modest enough to explain who I am to anyone who might not know… ‘Actress/Singer/Supermodel.’ LOL.”

“I work in marketing and it’s taking over my life, I don’t know how to turn it off, seriously, someone send help.”

“I can boil down everything I’ve achieved in the past decade to 140 characters.”

“Lisa Frank had a huge influence on how I see myself (a dreamer) and the world (purple).”

“I actually dance like everyone is watching.”

“I don’t require a bio, and I don’t need to explain why. We both know why.”

“I’m going to be totally straightforward here as to not get made fun of, please visit my more emotive Tumblr by clicking the link below.”

“This is a parody account that half of you morons think is real.”

“Here’s an incoherent list of places I may or may not have lived in the past five years.”

“If my portfolio were half as creative as my Twitter bio, I’d probably be employed by now.” TC mark

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