1. A toothbrush (even if it is fancy and electric).
2. A gift that is not a ring, but is presented in a ring-sized box and with a lot hype.
3. Cleaning supplies.
4. An apron.
5. Lingerie that is clearly made for men’s enjoyment, and is incredibly inconvenient.
6. A bottle of alcohol that is really just for yourself.
7. Clothes that you aren’t sure are going to fit.
8. Shoes that are nowhere close to her size.
9. A gym membership.
10. “Prank” gifts that make everyone really, really uncomfortable.
11. Cheap things packaged in Chanel boxes.
12. Something she clearly already has, because you didn’t have time to check.
13. A toaster oven.
14. Teddy bears in general.
15. Itchy sweaters that she has to wear out of politeness even though they itch really badly.
17. A bra, when you have no idea what bra size she is.
18. Basic body-cleaning supplies, such as shower gel.
19. Something you clearly bought at a Walgreens on the way over.
20. Promotional or novelty t-shirts.
21. An unframed poster.
22. Lip balm.
23. Anything “wrapped” in a paper bag.
24. Multivitamins, or any other health supplements.
25. Travel mugs and/or thermoses.
26. A grill that only you will use.
27. An envelope with some money in it.
28. A Starbucks gift card (AKA the go-to gift for any woman that you don’t know whatsoever).
29. A razor.
31. An IOU because you had no time to actually find something, but will get her something before New Year’s, you promise.