you knew the backstreet boys were actually friends because when the one boy asks if hes "sexual" the rest of the boys all agree that he is
— keith buckley (@deathoftheparty) March 31, 2014
yes hello 911, i just accidentally liked my ex's vacation pic from 2004
— chuuch (@ch000ch) July 7, 2014
Texting wasn't always easy. In my day, you had to work for it. You had to want it. You need an S? You better click that 7 button FOUR TIMES.
— Jamie Woodham (@jwoodham) May 28, 2014
I’d rather be in a human centipede than a group text.
— colonel rob fee (@robfee) October 7, 2013
Damn, Starbucks. Not only do you spell my name completely wrong AND screw up my order, but on my way out some woman keeps calling me a thief
— Marlon Rebrando (@contriteperson) January 19, 2014
FUN PRANK: Leave a falcon to someone in your will, you never had a falcon, but everyone will be like "where the fuck is the falcon?"
— Snorklhuahua (@weinerdog4life) May 8, 2014
Has Missouri ever done a tourism ad with the slogan 'Missouri Loves Company?' If not, what is even the point of Missouri?
— Paige (@PeachCoffin) August 4, 2014
What my girlfriend thought, first 4 dates:
1. Nice shirt.
2. Wow. A second nice shirt.
3. Okay, first shirt again.
4. He has two shirts.
— Ristolable (@ristolable) August 13, 2014
texted this girl back exactly 1 year later. i will let her know if i found the notes in another 365 days pic.twitter.com/xEfwO6jAnM
— chet porter (@chetporter) March 21, 2014
I'm so gangster, I don't even report to Apple when Safari unexpectedly quits. Snitches get Stitches.
— Neal Brennan (@nealbrennan) June 16, 2011
*passes thru suburbs* roll up ur window, son. this is a bad neighborhood. this is where ppl who comment on newspaper articles live
— TORMABLAS PICKASDFJKLFDSNMKOFDSJ (@Tormny_Pickeals) January 17, 2013
what idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles
— mustard2021 (@nice_mustard) September 19, 2012
This is the funniest thing in the world http://t.co/C6xyrWUI
— Elizabeth Dumb (@gayh0rney) October 1, 2012