you knew the backstreet boys were actually friends because when the one boy asks if hes "sexual" the rest of the boys all agree that he is
— keith buckley (@deathoftheparty) March 31, 2014
yes hello 911, i just accidentally liked my ex's vacation pic from 2004
— chuuch (@ch000ch) July 7, 2014
Texting wasn't always easy. In my day, you had to work for it. You had to want it. You need an S? You better click that 7 button FOUR TIMES.
— Jamie Woodham (@jwoodham) May 28, 2014
bury me wearing google glass so i can see how my funeral pics did on instagram
— Conor Tripler (@ConorTripler) February 12, 2014
I’d rather be in a human centipede than a group text.
— Rob Fee (@robfee) October 7, 2013
Damn, Starbucks. Not only do you spell my name completely wrong AND screw up my order, but on my way out some woman keeps calling me a thief
— Elle (@ElleOhHell) January 19, 2014
Didn't u hate it when as a kid u got the "mystery flavor" lollipop & the mystery ended up being that your parents got divorced (Or lemon)?
— halloween lindsey (@Lindzeta) June 15, 2012
FUN PRANK: Leave a falcon to someone in your will, you never had a falcon, but everyone will be like "where the fuck is the falcon?"
— Snorklhuahua (@weinerdog4life) May 8, 2014
No YOUR number is blocked at the Dominos where your ex-girlfriend works bc you kept calling and ordering a large Sally pizza w/ extra bitch
— Scott (@greenteam15) January 7, 2013
kanye west admiring a painting at a museum for hours on end but it's just the mirror in the bathroom of the museum
— nicole (@relatabledad) April 18, 2013
If someone tells you that you're not a velociraptor, stop talking to them. You don't need that negativity in your life.
— blopt (@blopt) June 14, 2014
Has Missouri ever done a tourism ad with the slogan 'Missouri Loves Company?' If not, what is even the point of Missouri?
— Paige (@PeachCoffin) August 4, 2014
What my girlfriend thought, first 4 dates: 1. Nice shirt. 2. Wow. A second nice shirt. 3. Okay, first shirt again. 4. He has two shirts.
— Ristolable (@Ristolable) August 13, 2014
Boyfriend jeans, friends w benefits booty shorts, single + ready to mingle skinny jeans, focused on my career slacks, forever alone sweats.
— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) September 7, 2014
texted this girl back exactly 1 year later. i will let her know if i found the notes in another 365 days pic.twitter.com/xEfwO6jAnM
— chet (@chetprtr) March 21, 2014
I'm so gangster, I don't even report to Apple when Safari unexpectedly quits. Snitches get Stitches.
— Neal Brennan (@nealbrennan) June 16, 2011
*passes thru suburbs* roll up ur window, son. this is a bad neighborhood. this is where ppl who comment on newspaper articles live
— TORMNBLY PIACKLES (@Tormny_Pickeals) January 17, 2013
what idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles
— nice_mustard (@nice_mustard) September 19, 2012
The difference between being romantic and creepy is how hot you are.
— Zach Heltzel (@zachheltzel) July 2, 2012