6 Ways Your Boyfriend Is Emotionally Cheating On You (And You Didn’t Even Realize It)

Emotional cheating covers a wide variety of behaviors. In a monogamous romantic relationship, two people can decide what the boundaries of the relationship are based on their own comfort levels. However, there are certain behaviors that can generally fall into the category of emotional cheating and can be disrespectful regardless of whether or not someone considers it cheating. An emotional affair doesn’t have to cross physical or sexual boundaries in order to be considered a transgression that violates your boundaries or disrespects you — even in times you feel tempted to rationalize that disrespect. In many ways, our society has encouraged and normalized these behaviors, giving women the shorter end of the stick and limiting what behaviors they are allowed to find inappropriate, and gaslighting them into believing they are “insecure” or “crazy” if they raise an issue with such behaviors. Here are six behaviors you should watch out for:

Disclosing personal information, establishing emotional intimacy, and venting about your relationship with a “girl best friend” or female acquaintance in general. If your boyfriend is spending inordinate amounts of time and energy with a female friend who he also vents to about your relationship, be very cautious and wary. Research indicates that men are more likely than women to have a romantic interest in their opposite-sex friends. While some friendships may be truly platonic, if your boyfriend is confiding in someone else about his emotions, his deepest secrets, his day-to-day struggles, and yet neglects to confide in you or is defensive and secretive about the nature of his “friendships” with other women, that means he is establishing a deeper sense of emotional intimacy with someone else. If he’s spending large amounts of time and energy on any another woman in a laser-focused way, hiding text messages and phone calls, meeting up with her alone and prioritizing other women over you, even if the excuse seems “innocent,” don’t be so quick to assume it really is innocent. If he becomes defensive when called out and refuses to make you more comfortable in these types of situations by distancing himself, you’re dealing with an emotional cheater who places the emotions of other women over his girlfriend’s needs and feelings. This kind of connection may appear innocuous at first, but if it is interfering with his ability to communicate with and engage with you directly as his girlfriend, it easily enters into the realm of emotional cheating.

Checking out other people frequently. Toxic people with dark personality traits often try to make others jealous on purpose, as studies have shown. If your boyfriend is constantly ogling at other potential love interests in front of you, or talking about the physical appearance of others in a way that makes you uncomfortable, run. Even if you don’t consider it emotional cheating, it is still downright disrespectful. He is setting up a silent or even blatant competition that you have no business partaking in and placing his attention and desire onto other women. A healthy boyfriend will make you feel irreplaceable – an unhealthy, toxic person will try to demean you to ensure you feel too insecure to leave them.

Stalking other women’s social media profiles. If his following list is filled with lewd accounts that make you cringe or his likes and comments often frequent the accounts of women, understand that this too can be a part of emotional cheating behaviors. You can bet that it doesn’t stop at just “looking” and he may escalate into sliding into the DMs of others.

Flirting. Some people don’t consider flirting to be emotional cheating, but generally speaking, it can be very disrespectful to one’s romantic partner. If your boyfriend is spending his nights out giving other women the impression he is single or bantering with other women in a way that seems a bit too interested and fixated on another woman, it is definitely a case of emotional infidelity — especially if he has a chronic habit of doing so.

Watching “inappropriate” videos and consuming adult content in an excessive manner. Not all women will agree this is emotional cheating, but some women do think it deserves to be placed under this category if the behavior is chronic. If your boyfriend’s online “habits” of consuming adult content is interfering with his ability to engage in your sex life and emotional intimacy in healthy ways, it very well should be flagged as emotional cheating. Some couples may consider such content harmless fantasy, but others may find it inappropriate and objectifying, especially to women.

Constantly complimenting other women in a way that builds a connection with them. High quality men may give occasional warranted and healthy praise to anyone, not just women, but that doesn’t mean your boyfriend is automatically off the hook if he’s constantly praising other women. If he’s hyper-focusing on the beauty of other women, always praising their looks, intelligence, personality, talents, success, strengths, or other qualities — especially without regard to you or your feelings — this can definitely be a boundary-violating behavior. There’s a difference between giving an occasional compliment and always showering other women with praise or building a connection with them that he doesn’t build with you. In the latter case, this can veer into the category of emotional cheating.