1. Go to the beach, duh! Beaches and summer go together like fashion and anorexia; you really can’t have one without the other. Spend a day frolicking in the ocean and laying in the sand with a mindless book. (I suggest Most Talkative, Andy Cohen’s light and ultimately forgettable memoir, if only for the embarrassing “I’m gay in the 80s!” photos.) Let the sun delete five years off of your life and leave feeling like a baked clam who just took five muscle relaxers.
2. Get day drunk with your friends on a lazy Sunday. Drink sangria like it’s water and then go shopping. Purchase the most random crap ever before passing out on your couch at 5 p.m. Wake up and wonder why you purchased a 20 dollar wooden spoon at Crate and Barrel.
3. Go to a concert. I know, I know, concerts in the summertime can be a complete clusterf-ck that’ll have you running for your anti-anxiety meds but on a rare occasion, they can actually be quite delightful. I recommend attending Bumbershoot in Seattle because it’s exciting without being TOO overwhelming. Plus, the weather in Seattle is amazing only in August and September.
4. Go see The Dark Knight Rises because it is seriously the only movie event of the summer that matters! Christopher Nolan has that rare talent of making a summer blockbuster popcorn flick that doesn’t feel as shallow as a kiddie pool. Plus, Anne Hathaway as Catwoman looks intriguing…
5. Call in sick to work to go to the park all day by yourself and read magazines and listen to music. Maybe go stoned if you’re worried about being bored.
6. Break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend because being single in the summer is ACTUALLY fun. You can come crawling back to them when it’s cardigan weather again and just explain to them, “Sorry, babe. I just needed to be in a committed relationship with summer. You understand, right?”
7. Listen to as much top 40 pop songs as humanly possible. Maybe even reunite with Ashanti and The Murder Inc. era.
8. Hang out on someone’s rooftop till the sun rises.
9. Go swimming in a pool! Seriously, go find someone who has a pool and offer them your money and friendship in exchange for a full day of lounging and swimming. (Sidenote: I’m so obsessed with swimming pools that I once snuck into my ex-boyfriend’s apartment complex to use his pool. TALK ABOUT DESPERATE.)
10. Go out of town. August is the only month out of the year where it’s socially acceptable to tell your work that you’re going to be off on vacay for a minute so take advantage. If an actual trip is out of the question, go away on the weekends and mooch off of someone’s “summer home.” Whatever you do, just get away!
11. Throw a BBQ for all of your friends, or if you can’t cook/have a grill, make someone else do it.
12. Find out where the nearest county fair is and go to it wasted, eat funnel cake, and ride the rollercoasters. See a kitschy band like Foreigner because chances are, they will be performing at every county fair this summer.
13. Go on an internet hiatus. The internet is so boring in the summertime. Real life is exponentially better.
14. Tell your crush that you like them because they’re more likely to like you back in the summer than in the fall. There’s like scientific proof.
15. Go to a free event. There is so much free stuff to do in the summer. Winter = we’re annoyed that it’s cold out so we’re going to charge for everything. Summer = OMG, we’re so laidback! Come hang at our cool event for free!
16. Go home to visit your parents for Labor Day. Or not. If you hate your parents, save your money and don’t do it.
17. Make a conscious effort to be happy. After all, you can always be miserable in the winter!
18. Have one insane night of debauchery. Not The Hangover status. More like Marie Antoinette “I’m hanging out in a mansion, drinking champagne, and doing bumps of 18th century coke.”
19. Eat healthy. Salads only taste good in 95-degree heat so you might as well eat them now before you start craving comfort food again.