1. When you go out to a nice dinner with a bunch of people and make a point not to order drinks or something too expensive. Then, when the bill comes, no one even bothers to look at it and someone just says, “Let’s just split it evenly! It’s easier that way!” Suddenly, everyone just plops their cards down while you’re having a mini-heart attack in the corner wondering how the hell you’re going to afford this. You whisper, “But I didn’t order any drinks…I didn’t…” but no one can hear you because they’re too busy talking and being rich and not giving a fuck.
2. When someone mentions their house in the country or where they like to summer. You’re like, “You wanna know where I summer? In front of the fan that’s in my apartment — the only one that I have.”
3. When you want to do something cultural but then you realize that almost everything costs money. There’s a reason why only moms and dads go to Broadway shows. Moms and dads are the only ones who have enough money to blow on something that involves sitting down and watching people do things.
4. Your family isn’t “connected” in the slightest. The only place your family name holds any weight is Costco.
5. When you’re the only one out of all your friends who checks to see if the bar you’re going to has a happy hour.
6. When everyone seems to have money to go to concerts except for you. Again, it’s like Broadway shows, WHO HAS THE MONEY TO DO THIS KIND OF STUFF?
7. It feels like you’re the only who still keeps a jar of change in their room and cashes it in at a bank three days before your next paycheck comes in.
8. You’ll go anywhere if there’s free food or drinks being offered. Unlike your other friends, you have no standards.
9. You’re the only who’s still having a “bring a flask moment’ in the bar because, um hello, drinks are expensive and please don’t look at me that way.
10. Your friends want to all plan a vacation for the summer but the only place you can afford to vacation is your bed.
11. You want me to go to a movie with you? DO I LOOK LIKE WARREN BUFFETT?
12. Even when you eat out on the cheap you still have to chow down on a big snack before you leave your house so you don’t order too much.
13. “No, I’ve never been to Europe. Sounds nice though! No, you don’t have to look at me like that. Please don’t pity me.”
14. You go on OKCupid mostly for the free dinners.
15. You want to smack anyone who says they’re “OMG, so broke!” because chances are they’re broke because they just bought a new handbag or airline tickets.
16. You’re pretty sure you’re the only friend who actually cooks on a regular basis.
17. You relate too much to Jennifer Aniston’s character in Friends With Money.
18. You wonder why you’re the only who constantly worries about money and talks about being in dire financial straits and then you remember that’s because you’re one of the few people who’s 100% supporting themselves.
19. “No, I’m not taking a cab. “I’m going to walk.”