Thought Catalog

Ways You Should Expect To Be Treated In A Relationship

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Don’t expect to be treated like a ~~~~~~princess~~~~~~ or a queen. What does that even mean? Do you want someone to obsessively dote on you and serve you breakfast in bed, or do you just want to have, like, a good partner? Give as much as you take. Don’t expect someone to give you foot massages every day while you just sit back and get worshipped. Both parties need to feel wanted and cared for.

Expect to be told the truth. Why be with someone if you have to walk on eggshells with them? Be direct, be honest. If they’re being an asshole, tell them. If they’re being THE BEST BOYFRIEND EVER, tell them that too. (Just don’t tell Facebook.)

Call them out on their ridiculousness because it shows that you know them so well. Most times, people WANT to be called out on their BS. They’re just pushing, pushing, pushing, until you’re willing to push back. They like it when you do. It means they’re paying attention.

Expect for them to treat you with respect, to be patient with you, to understand that if you’re being short with them, it’s probably just because you’re having a bad day and has nothing to do with them. That’s the thing: They have to know that it’s not always about them. There are other things happening in your life that don’t revolve around the relationship and that’s okay. It’s not an insult.

Expect trust. Without trust, you have nothing. Your partner should trust you completely until you give them a reason otherwise. If they don’t trust you, if they’re already paranoid in the beginning and try to control you, the relationship is doomed. Because it’s not about you. IT’S NEVER ABOUT YOU. You could be the best significant other ever and it wouldn’t matter because you’re with someone who’s violently insecure and will always find something wrong with you.

Expect to be made to feel good about yourself, especially when you’re naked and vulnerable. Sex should be a “NO JUDGMENT” zone.

Expect differences of opinion, expect fights, expect it to not always feel right, expect to feel a little bit bored sometimes, expect to feel a little overwhelmed the other times, expect to question things, expect to flirt with other people because it reminds you that you’re still wanted by other people who are not your partner, expect to be with someone who loves you as is and doesn’t want to change you. THIS IS A BIG ONE. It seems like so many people get into relationships just to transform someone into another person. Why do we do this? Don’t date a fixer-upper. What’s the point?

Expect to be taught new things. Expect to have your mind blown. Expect to want to be a better person.

Expect your partner to be faithful, unless you’ve clearly discussed otherwise.

Expect to be emotionally supported. DON’T expect to be financially supported.

Expect passion. Expect love. Expect anger. Never expect indifference.

Expect them to hate you when its over. Feel relieved if it’s ever not the case.ย TC Mark

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  • http://www.facebook.com/ItTkesFaith Jackie Faith

    Love this.
    Thank you.

  • H

    I feel like the chances of me ever being in a normal, healthy relationship are absolute zero.

    • http://www.twitter.com/xsssy xsssy

      wut if u want to treat someone like a king tho?

      • http://www.facebook.com/cherryket7 Ketsia

        Unless the feeling is mutual, you’re in for some disillusion at the end of the day… :S

    • kgb

      +1 Me too… :-(

    • Elizabeth

      Me too.

    • http://ideasmithy.wordpress.com IdeaSmith

      @H: I feel that too. And yet I believe that I will find one such, because it makes it easier to go through each day smiling. Hope fuels us forward, not happiness. All the best to you!

    • Alex

      same here :(

  • http://twitter.com/yesjessica Jessica Thompson (@yesjessica)

    This is great.

  • http://www.itmakesmestronger.com/2012/08/ways-you-should-expect-to-be-treated-in-a-relationship-2/ Only L<3Ve @ ItMakesMeStronger.com

    […] Thought Catalog ยป Love & Sex Add a comment […]

  • http://baconwrappedcollege.wordpress.com emmathompson001

    Reblogged this on Bacon Wrapped College and commented:
    This should be a mandatory read before being allowed to start a relationship

    • http://merdesreflexion.wordpress.com merdesreflexion

      I agree

  • S - i - e - r - r - a

    Well done.

  • Anon

    Very nice Ryan, this is what we expect of you – not ‘x’ ways you’re going to do ‘y’ in your twenties :)

  • selena

    seriously, i’m kind of drunk right now, i love this, i love your writing best out of EVERYONE on this site, okay?

  • H.K.

    go easy on the caps!

  • b

    this site seems like a lot of common sense for those who lack it.

  • Ren

    Reblogged this on REN CULLEN.

  • http://rsmithing.wordpress.com rsmithing

    Well said, and encouraging. I can think of several folks who should read this.

  • caro

    I feel like this article is written with the mindset of just dating, and not thinking about a serious future (marriage) together. For the strict purpose of just dating for fun, this article is great! But if you really love someone you ARE going to change, with them and for them. And they will change for you too. You will be a fixer-upper; you will sacrifice a lot of yourself. Stop treating dating and love like you need to play it safe and “be true to yourself”. Real love is selfless, constant giving. Real love never puts yourself first. If that makes you miserable, then you don’t know real love.

    • larooolie

      True lol. Also even if you meet someone and you have the possiblity in mind that – if this goes well there could be a future here, – People usually show themselves in there best light when you meet and possibly for a long time after, its not until after that the crap can come out – leaving you a little confused, somethimes you may just want to change them into the person you thought you met. And of course we all know that being in a relationship is completely different from being single, there are probably a million things that are completely acceptable in you are single and categorically unacceptable if you are in a relationship, therefore change is inevitable as you now are one of two or one half of a whole and always should think about the other before acting and carefully consider your everyday decisions, its not so easy, everyone sacrifices a lot in relationships to be happy as humans are such creatures that they cant go through most of life alone.

  • http://seafollies.wordpress.com r4yne

    Reblogged this on seafollies.

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  • Lourdes

    “Expect to be taught new things. Expect to have your mind blown. Expect to want to be a better person.”

    This definitely happens.

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  • http://unbuttonnedorundone.wordpress.com emmylgant

    How did you get to be so smart, Ryan? I am sharing this!

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  • Emily

    Ryan dishes out great love advice. Thanks.

  • http://duskromance.wordpress.com Richelle-Joy Chia
  • https://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/when-relationships-get-boring/ When Relationships Get Boring | Thought Catalog

    […] naturally wonโ€™t allow it. What we can do is make sure that both ends are having their needs met. Relationship maintenance is crucial. As long as two people are mindful of the otherโ€™s feelings, things are so […]

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