1. You forget your friends
Wait, I had a life before I met this person? Are you sure? Because I seriously can’t recall. You’re telling me I had friends? Hmmm, I guess an argument could be made for that but it’s all very fuzzy. Can we talk about this later? I have a penis that is waiting to be inside of me. We’ll continue this conversation… later. I’ll text you!
2. You become soooooo Helen Keller
Love can be a giant short bus, y’all! It can cause otherwise smart, capable people to become deaf and blind to any and flaws. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen intelligent strong people be reduced to a 60 IQ just because they’re on that falling in love tip. (Myself included.) It’s, quite frankly, scary how certain relationships can zap us of our personalities and strength. Just think of Heidi Montag, you guys! She came to L.A. with Lauren Conrad as an INDEPENDENT WOMAN and now she’s playing “Spin The Dreidel” with her old nose in a secluded warehouse in Tarzana with Spencer Pratt.
3. You give up your post grad dreams for someone else’s
“Before I met you, my plans were to move to X city and get X job, but, I don’t know, it wasn’t like set in stone or anything. What do you wanna do? ‘Cause I’ll just do that. I’m down for whatevs. It’s just my future, babe! I srsly don’t currrrr. Just c’mere.”
4. You get resentful
If you’re in one of those relationships that forces you to sacrifice parts of yourself, you WILL grow to resent them, even without realizing it. Because no matter how in love you are, if there’s a growing gap in the relationship, if you’re never being met halfway, all the orgasms in the world won’t stop you from feeling like you’ve been given a crappy deal. BECAUSE YOU HAVE.
5. You eat too much
Just kidding! This isn’t so much a mistake as it is a gift from Cupid himself! Say it with me every day: “Whatever, I’m getting cheese fries.”
6. You let them get away with lazy bedroom behavior
Look, I’m all for a lazy “I don’t wanna do anything” sex moment. That’s what happens when you’re doing it on the reg with one person. But it’s important to keep note if your significant other has been phoning it in all the time, especially if you’ve still been trying to give Oscar-worthy performances. No wants to be the Meryl Strep who’s stuck dating Melissa Joan Hart.
7. You forget that people don’t care so much about your relationship
Love makes you do wacky things, including telling all your friends what your BF/GF ate for breakfast and assuming that they’ll care. Here’s the thing: Your friends do give a crap about your relationship. But what they couldn’t give two flying fucks is about the happy look they had on their face when you woke up this morning or the fact that they switched to soy because of their lactose intolerance. You know the only reason why you care about their lactose intolerance? Because you’re having sex with them. If you didn’t see this person naked and get to rub your private parts together, you’d be in a boredom-induced coma from such conversation topics.
8. You become jealous
“I’m not a jealous person” — says someone who has never been in a relationship before. Granted, there are varying degrees of jealousy. You don’t have to be a psycho who wants to hack into their email to experience moments of insecurity in your relationship. But know this: The insecurity and jealousy will shock you. You’ll have no idea you had the capacity to feel so unsure until you care so much about someone.