15 Things Gay Men Should Stop Being Afraid Of

1. Shirts with sleeves. I know nothing says “I’m here/queer” like an exposed arm moment but maybe you should start experimenting with wearing things that cover your body. Perhaps you should own a turtleneck? Ha ha, I’m just kidding. A turtleneck is enemy #1 in the gay world. When you see all that fabric, you start to sweat and swat at invisible flies. “GET IT OFF ME, GET IT OFF ME! DON’T MAKE ME LOOK AT THE TURTLENECK ANYMORE!”

2. Acting “too gay.” WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? HONEY? CAN WE TALK ABOUT IT? CAN I GET MY LIBERAL ARTS BOI GLASSES ON? You can’t be too gay. It’s impossible. There’s no such thing as possessing the right amount of gayness. You could be sucking ten dicks on Christopher Street while getting fed poppers and having your ass eaten out and it still wouldn’t be “too gay.” Stop freaking out! You are great and gay just the way you are! And when people tell you that you’re acting sooooo gay, they’re just trying to shame you for acting “feminine.” That’s all kinds of screwed up, y’all!

3. Lesbians. Obvs.

4. Your best gay friend falling in love with you or vice versa.

5. Vaginas. Look, I’ve done some lighthearted vagina shaming in my day but I don’t actually FEAR vaginas. I bet they’re actually great! Besides, do you think penises are much better? They’re veiny, red, and sometimes bent like a U-Turn! We only put up with them because they get us hard.

6. The South.

7. Ourselves! Self-loathing and gays go together a little too perfectly. Despite all of our hubris and funny jokes, a lot of us just don’t love ourselves deep down. That should stop.

8. Body fat. Stop being afraid of getting fat so I can just get fat already. Please. Your vanity is holding me back from being the person I want to be.

9. Bros. This one is hard. I’m super scared of bros too. Like I see their beer pong table and I just start sobbing on the spot. “GET ME OUT,” I scream, clawing at the walls. “It’s not safe for me here!” But maybe I’m just being a big gay baby about it. Maybe I just haven’t been exposed to the right bro yet. So far, the ones I’ve met have either been homophobic misogynists or they claim to be understanding and say stupid things like, “Wow. You’re like the coolest gay guy I’ve ever met. I bet you listen to Florence & The Machine!”

10. Not being cute enough. Guess what? When you go to a gay bar, you will always see someone who is 5% cuter than you. Do you know how many times I’ve gone into a gay bar and seen guys who look exactly like me except they have a better body or a slightly nicer face? That’s the gay thing about being gay. We’re all made of the same parts so we can’t help but compare. But, like, what are you going to do about it? Cry? No! You wanna make out, so push down those insecurities and go talk to the guy who’s 5% cuter than you! Who knows, he might be thinking the same thing about you.

11. Dancing. Just kidding, that’s just me! I’m the only gay dude who doesn’t like to dance! Seriously, can people stop dancing so much? You’re making me look bad!

12. Intimacy. In my experience, I’ve encountered a lot of gay men with glittery walls up, myself included. Really letting another dude love you is terrifying. It’s our Berlin wall that we just gotta tear down. We gotta let a dick into our heart rather than our ass.

13. Good music. Sorry gays, I’m on that generalizing tip right now, but would it kill some of you to listen to something other than top 40? I love Britney and all that noise but that stuff is only good for the club or getting ready to go to the club. If I’m at home at three o’clock in the afternoon, I don’t want to listen to something that reminds me of drunken makeouts on the sidewalk. Just come over and listen to my weird shoegaze with me! SHOEGAYYYYYZE.

14. Being somewhere that’s not gay. I know some homos who never leave their gayborhood. They just walk in a circle around all the gay people, gay restaurants, and gay bars, and never think to step outside of it. They’re like full-time homosexuals. It sounds exhausting! Broaden your horizons and go hang somewhere that’s a mix! Don’t go to your gay brunch and eat your little gay muffins with your gay friends for once!

15. Your dad. Unless he’s legitimately scary. In which case, RUN! MOVE TO NEW YORK!TC Mark

image – StarsApart

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.


More From Thought Catalog

  • Johnathan Wilson

    This is tooo freaaking perfect!!!!! I just died of laughter!!!!!!!

  • Gian

    this is great

  • http://twitter.com/tr_sk_ys tres keys (@tr_sk_ys)

    I’m sending this to all my gay friends!

  • Courtland T.

    Ryan O’Connell is definitely my favorite writer.

  • Gooberstein

    Be afraid of leather daddies

  • http://www.itmakesmestronger.com/2012/07/15-things-gay-men-should-stop-being-afraid-of/ Only L<3Ve @ ItMakesMeStronger.com

    […] Thought Catalog » Life Add a comment […]

  • artfule

    I always wanted to look like Kyros Christian….Then I realised that I’m black…And I love Chik-Fil-A way more than I love going to the gym…


    This is awesome and sadly true. Love yourselves…there’s too many people who hate us already!

  • Joel-Javier

    Girl Boom! *sigh* This is dreadful. -_-

  • http://www.facebook.com/davidamoon4 David Moon

    “We gotta let a dick into our heart rather than our ass.” That’s some Oprah shit, right there.

    And you leave my gay muffins alone. Nothing is more comforting than a gay muffin.

    I just wanted to let you know, Ryan, that I too am terrified of dancing. But when I break it down, I know that I’m really only terrified of being judged for dancing. Because I’ll dance all day alone in my apartment.

    And in my experience, the Bro’s are actually really curious about gay guys. They’re thinking: “If only I could sleep with my best guy friends, like these marvelous homosexuals. What is their secret?”

    Thanks for keeping it real, and encouraging us to LIVE outside our comfort zones. Because it’s not really living, otherwise. More Oprah shit.

  • Rishtopher

    Despite that this could’ve been worded a bit better (in my opinion of course) a lot of these are actually pretty legit. Good job!

  • Jonny

    Ugh, damn. I do listen to Florence & the Machine.

    • josh

      So do i:/

  • Billy

    Britney’s nice at home too. Can’t I have fun at home? Geeze, you prude.

  • whyaname

    this is actually perfect. i normally hate a lot of the stuff on TC because it’s self-obsessed navel-gazing, but this should actually be printed out and posted on gay bar walls, etc.

  • Thanks, I feel great (sarcasm)

    listening to and liking Florence means your gay?

  • H

    Hahahahaha Ryan you’re hilarious.

  • JG

    “They’re veiny, red, and sometimes bent like a U-Turn!”

    except when they’re really dark brown

  • http://www.facebook.com/john.bowen.16 John Bowen

    A few things:

    5. As a straight male I will tell you, to some degree ALL men are scared of the mystery that is Vaginas.

    11. You’re not alone in this, a friend of mine’s boyfriend HATES dancing. You two should start a club.

    13. Yes, could the gay community as a whole please start listening to music OTHER then what 14 year old girls listen to? No one likes to ride in a car when someone is blasting Britney etc at 10am. NO ONE.

  • http://twitter.com/heronkady10 Kady Heron (@heronkady10)

    Just be yourself.. :)
    Saving Thousands of People Hundreds of Dollars a month. Join the club today. Just click -> http://www.saversclub.us

  • http://shizzlefrick.blogspot.com Nicholas

    I am afraid of “BROS” too!
    They’re fun to watch, until they catch you looking at them…

  • mattvenick

    I’d add “being alone” to that list. With the number of fish in the sea, marriage equality, and number 7, so many of my friends get skiddish and depressed when they aren’t dating someone. I’ve been guilty of that; BUT NO MORE! It all leads back to number 7. 7 is key.

  • http://popsicleman.wordpress.com quackmanquackman


  • Sam

    i just read this in your voice. perfect

  • http://www.gaydailyhot.com/2012/07/interwebz-pornocopia-14.html Gay Daily Hot: Jasun Mark & John Tegan Gay Porn Blog | Interwebz Pornocopia

    […] can’t figure out if Ryan O’Connel’s list of 15 Things Gay Men Should Stop Being Afraid Of is a funny and biting commentary of gay urban social culture or just a diatribe by some bitter homo […]

  • Jose

    The South is a hard one because it seems to me that they make a point to say that they do not want us there. There are alot of southerners that are sweeter than iced tea, but there are just as many who want to draw and quater you some place in the back woods.

blog comments powered by Disqus