The Second Time You Fall In Love With Someone

The second time you fall in love with someone, you’re going to feel so relieved. When you get your heart broken for the first time, you can’t imagine loving someone else again or having someone else love you. You worry about your ex finding love before you do, you worry about being damaged goods. And then it happens. Someone else loves you and you can sleep well at night.

The second time you fall in love with someone, it’s going to feel different. The first time felt like a dream almost. You were untouched, untainted by anyone. You accepted love with wide open arms and desperation. “Love me, love me, love me!” So you did. And then it fell apart and left you shocked to the core. You realized that people could be cruel and break your heart. You realized that people could stop meaning the sweet things they said to you just yesterday. So when you go into it again, you’re going to keep in mind everything that you’ve learned. You’re going to say, “Love me, love me, love me…until you don’t. In which case, I would like some advance warning. Thanks!”

The second time you fall in love with someone, you’re going to compare it to your first love. That’s okay. That’s natural. You’re going to be studying the new love with judgement and wariness. “My ex never liked broccoli. Why the hell does this one eat so much broccoli?!” Discovering that you have the ability to love multiple people who are different and feel different is initially very jarring. Loving an unfamiliar body will leave you disoriented and in dire need of a map. That’s okay too. That’s to be expected. Just ask the new love for directions.

The second time you fall in love with someone, you’re going to suffer from a bout of amnesia. You’re going to poke and prod at your lover’s body and be like, “Wait, how do I do this again? How do I love you? I think it starts with us having a moment together in some coffee shop, right?” It’s going to feel scary at first. Falling in love is sort of like riding a bike though. You never really forget.

The second time you fall in love with someone, you’ll be a more sane person. Your first love is when you get all of your insanity out. You behave like an insane monster because your mind is freaking out about all these new powerful feelings. By the second time, however, you have an idea of what works and what doesn’t. It’s by no means perfect. The insanity will make a cameo at some point. “Peek a boo. I’m here! Hope you didn’t forget about me!” But you can usually shoo it away after awhile.

The second time you fall in love with someone, you will hopefully have better sex. Do not quote me on this.

The second time you fall in love with someone will still be exciting and you might even talk about moving in together or marriage. It will feel more “adult.” You have no idea what adult love actually is but you think it involves making coffee for each other in the morning and maybe even getting a dog. “This is my dog, Xan. I got him with the second person I fell in love with because that’s what you do! The first person I was in love with would’ve killed a dog.”

The second time will not be the first time. The first time is an insane magical life gift that you can never reclaim. But that’s okay. The second time is more real anyway. The second time can involve some amazing love. TC mark

image – Isabel

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.


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  • Jennifer Schaffer

    It’s all about the third time you fall in love…

    • Anna B

      too true. 

  • Andres


  • Anna B

    To compare kills any relationship. It’s when you get over the comparing your ex’s that you can enjoy being with someone.

  • Tim

    I really love this. It’s so true to my experience. The insanity, the lost-in-love stuff, the pain at the end, the new growth, the disorientation, and finding the balance. Love this. <3

  • viki

    so true …it will keep on happening evrytime you fall in love,perhaps 2nd 3rd or more. reality will keep showing better picture

  • Vigilante

    Or the second time you fall in love with the same person after an interlude of a year.

  • Jrein93

    I really really needed this today. Thanks for making me feel slightly more sane.

  • Ryan Peterson

    This. I needed this. Thank you.

  • Damian

    Good pick me up to my day.

  • Joshua Powers

    What about the time I fall in love with Ryan O’Connell after reading all of his writing?

    • Ryan O'Connell

      awww u r a qt

  • Donnerunbaiser

    As someone who’s been in love once and is anxiously/fearfully awaiting the second time, thank you so much for casting some light on that first mess and giving me hope for the next :)

    • SisterRay73


  • Guest


    • a.



    So true.

  • Siddharth Sarda

    The second time you fall in love , you will desperate to get over the hurt of the first love. You will embrace the second love and think its your shot at salvation. You weren’t crazy to think that love will make a second, grander entry. You will compare, but in most instances, you will like the present one better. After all, she hasnt broken your heart yet. You can eat all the broccoli you want, just please dont break my heart.
    Of course, you will later realise that this was a false hope,  a mirage. The love will fade with the same speed that it made an entry.
    You will be alone again, but this time without false hope. Its so much better.

    • Guest.

      be careful not to mistake ‘rebound love’ for ‘second love’.

  • karyn

    Every paragraph has a line that I love. IN A FIRST LOVE KIND OF WAY. 

  • Etsuko99

    You need to experience the first to appreciate the second…

  • Guest

    Thank you

  • guest

    i don’t even have a first time yet.

    • Guest

      lucky. want to switch lives?

  • Megan Do

    God, I hope you’re right Ryan O’Connell because life is miserable right now.

  • D. Canal

    Amazing! I’ve just found my second, honest, genuine love and every day I spend with her makes me see how incredibly perceptive this entire missive is. Don’t fret for too long, jaded lovers – speaking from experience, the second time you fall in love is incredible. Well said, simply capital. :)

  • Anonymous

  • Annie

    IDK Ryan, I just hope it’s right this time.

  • Guest

    Can’t wait.

  • Sad Guest

    This actually made me very sad.

    • lexi

      same here. i’ve had my fair share of heart aches and lost love. but this one holds true for every succeeding quest one will have with love.

  • Broganhickman

    I love this. I sincerely thank you for writing this.

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