- Let us refer immediately to the king of celibacy, Mr. Moz, when I say the line, “Shyness is nice but shyness could stop you from doing all the things in life you’d like to.” When he said “doing all the things in life”, he really meant “doing all of the people.” Shyness is truly the ultimate sex block for most people. Imagine how many partners could’ve been yours if you had just grown a pair and talked to them. We’re so terrified of rejection that we never actually allow ourselves to be rejected. We just sit there and reject ourselves. Shyness: 1. Your ability to have sex with someone: 0.
- Let us now jump to the queen of promiscuity, XXXtina, when she says in “Genie In A Bottle” that her body is saying let’s go but her heart is saying no! Cheesiness aside, this is super relatable and happens to almost everyone every time they get drunk. “Oh my god, I want to have sex with the balding dude at the club so bad! But I won’t! Because I’m a genie in a bottle and he’s probably going to rub me the wrong way!” Standards prevent you from getting laid. This is all well and good, but don’t be surprised when you haven’t gotten any in months.
- You’re in a #dark place with your body. You feel fat and undesirable. You totally get why you aren’t getting laid! But that kind of thinking is dangerous. If you think you’re hideous, chances are others will pick up on that and not be attracted to you. In order for someone to want to sleep with you, you sort of have to want to sleep with yourself. You have to look in the mirror and be like, “Okay, whatever. I’d do me, I guess.” This isn’t being conceited. This is allowing good vibes to come into your life and eventually land on some babe. I can’t believe I’m writing this, but confidence IS sexy. It’s just sort of a catch-22 because we get a lot of confidence from people having sex with us. They, in turn, feed off that confidence and want to do us more. However, if we aren’t getting any, we probably aren’t feeling the best about ourselves, which people pick up on and shy away. Ideally, we need to feel good about ourselves whether or not we’re getting laid, but let’s be real here. That’s a really hard thing to do.
- You’re not over the last person you slept with. I’ve said it here before that the fastest way to get over someone is to get under someone else, but that’s always easier said than done. Sometimes there’s comfort in knowing that the last person you slept with was someone you cared about. In a sick way, it keeps you bonded together. But it’s not healthy. No sir. This person has implicit ownership over your body and you need to get their spirit out of you! Once you sleep with someone else, you’ll feel cleansed.
- You live with your parents still. That doesn’t exactly set the mood, does it? If you’re still co-habitating with them, you’re probably not going out of your way to have sex. In fact, you live in the least sexy place ever. Your address might as well be 666 Don’t Have Sex With Me Here Avenue. Do yourself a favor and move out ASAP so you can knock boots again.
- You’re not trying hard enough. This seems to be the most obvious reason of the bunch. Having sex with someone requires a little bit of effort. When we’re in school, we get spoiled because situations/people literally fall into our laps. But as we get older, you actually have to put ourselves out there more and not rely so much on serendipity or meeting through friends of friends.
- You’re not on OKCupid. Okay, I’m half-kidding with this one but also not really. Anyone who is on that site is having so much sex. It’s hard to accept but it’s true. Should we all just join? Should we say okay to OKCupid?
- You live in New York City. No one has sex here. We just talk about it a lot and pretend we do but it’s a lie. Rumors of our promiscuity have been greatly exaggerated. Thanks Sex and the City!
- You’re average looking. Average looking people fall through the cracks. Ugly people shack up with other ugly people and the gorgeous ones sleep with other equally hot people. Meanwhile, average people are sent scrambling. Sometimes we sleep with the hot person and sometimes we get stuck with someone really unattractive. We get the shaft in the mating dance.
Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.
“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino
Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.