The 5 Important Milestones In Every Relationship

1. “Beb, I fart”

In the beginning of every relationship, you essentially try to be the best version of yourself. You pretend you dress to the nines every single day (“Oh, this little number? I just threw it together in five….hours”), do fun-filled activities, and never fart, burp, poop or experience any other human action that could be perceived as gross. Ugh, it’s so exhausting and one day you will just let the facade slip. One day you will show up to your significant other’s house in a terrible outfit looking like crap and farting all over the place. The day you let your BF/GF see you in an unattractive state is a crucial milestone because it’s basically saying, “Hi! i’m comfortable enough to show you that I’m not a flawless gem. I can look awesome and cute and do all of these great things you will enjoy, but I can also be disgusting just like everyone else! Gotcha!” Some of my girlfriends have endured two year relationships without ever letting their boyfriend see them without their makeup on or in sweats. I don’t get that. How could you go two years walking on perfection eggshells? Farting in your lover’s face cements your bond and demonstrates that you have faith in your relationship. So just fart away!

2. “Beb, I’m crazy!”

You know what I’m talking about with this one. The first few months of every relationship is supposed to be amazing. You’re happy, constantly laughing with your person, and just overall being a blast to hang around. Then it happens. You have the first fight in which you reveal yourself to be a person who can actually get upset and lose their shit. Everyone has the capacity to do this. You can’t just “LOL” everyday so when you finally do cave and show your beau some extra dimension to your personality, it’s a big deal. Yes, you will be happy and delightful, but you will also have bad days when you’ll scare them with your emotions. Just deal with it.

3. “Beb, my family is crazy!”

Growing up, I was always that friend who would talk to my friends’ parents. I didn’t get why people would be so scared of them. They were just like us, only bigger, older, and more powerful. Because of my willingness to not behave like a complete freak with other people’s parents, adults would be obsessed with me. This boded well not only in high school but later on in life when it came time to meet a significant other’s family. As always, I would do great. “OMG, you’re so funny and nice. When is my gay son gonna put a cock ring on it?” When it came time to meet my family, however, it would be a different story. In your eyes, your family is always weirder i than your BF/GF’s family. You have to warn them 8 million times about all of their little quirks and say things like, “I think I’m adopted anyway. How else do you explain the fact that I can tan?” In the end, it’s usually NBD though. In fact, you may come off as the insane one. When your partner meets your family, it’s more of a milestone for you than it is for them because it’s a test of strength and biting your tongue. If you can survive the evening without having some strange unprovoked outburst, you’ve won the “Meeting The Parents” game. FYI, there is nothing more uncomfortable for your BF/GF than watching you be defensive with your sweet well-intenioned family. It makes you look like the bratty villain, not them.

Your Mom: Honey, you like broccoli right? Have some.
You: No, I don’t. Do you know anything about me? Stop telling me what I do and do not like, okay?! You’re always doing that. I can’t breathe in this house!

4. “Beb, I love you”

I’ve never understood why people have put such an emphasis on saying these three words. They ask silly things like, “OMG, when do you know? Because I think I love them already but it’s only been 4 weeks so I can’t say it, right?” In my experience, I’ve found that I love someone when I go through a hard time and come out of it loving them more. Because it’s easy to love someone when everything’s all rainbows and lollipops. It’s when things get tested that you have a clearer idea of your feelings. It doesn’t really matter though. If you think you love someone, then you probably do. It’s not a great big mystery. And if you find out later that you didn’t, then oh well! That’s hindsight for you!

5. “Wait beb, I think I could actually raise kids with you!”

Um, this is an insane milestone. Looking at someone and knowing that you could raise little beings with them, share heath insurance, and get unsexy and old together is the most major thing in a relationship. I don’t know anything about it but I hear it’s nice. Oh and if you don’t wanna have kids ever, just replace kids with marriage. Same thing sort of. TC mark

image –

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.


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  • Michael Koh

    I’m on 4 right now

    • Annie Highley-Smith

      But Michael, we’d make “some beautiful babies”.

      Just saying.

  • Michael Koh

    I’m on 4 right now

  • Anonymous

    I have to say, you are spot on with this one. And the “Beb, I fart” section made me LOL..

  • NoSexCity

    I can embrace #2-#4 when the time comes, and I could foresee myself being okay with #5 at some point in the future. It’s that pesky #1 I will always, ALWAYS be in denial about. 

  • John Cortes

    The photo for this looks like a penis with a cock ring, just sayin’.

    • Kelly

      No, seriously; you’re right. I keep enlarging the picture & I still can’t figure out where that phallic ‘finger’ connects to a hand. It def looks like a penis with a cock ring… getting a very tender, loving handjob (which is milestone #6, right?). 

    • Syra

      …gotta love my boyfriend. 

    • Dylanman

       shut up mann

  • Heretica Neue

    What’s all this “beb” business?

  • Catherine

    Write it out, Ryan: Babe. And listen a little more closely, because both American English & British English pronunciation of this word, even in casual, conversational speech (even lazy speech!), is indeed  babe, with a long [a] sound:/bāb/

    • Ryan O'Connell

      beb is a joke, a variation of babe with an emphasis on “e” instead of “a”


      you do not understand how slang werks GIRL!

    • Nolovelost11

      prescriptivist!! linguists frown on you. 

    • Guesty

      ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww what’s wrong with you

    • akickoutofu

      Babe, bebe, beb.. All the same!

  • anon

    step .5 realize they don’t say “beb” and continue to date them

  • giiist

    “OMG, you’re so funny and nice. When is my gay son gonna put a cock ring on it?”

    This is why I’m not quite ready to give up TC. Every time I go to delete you from my top sites, Ryan O’Connell does this.

  • Loljame

    beb i like

  • Micromes

    “get unsexy and old”. well put

  • In Luv

    Thank you for writing this.  It made me realize that it’s okay to feel like I’m falling in love with this guy that I’ve only been dating for a little over a month.  I guess I should embrace the moment and wait for the time when our relationship will be tested in order to see if this is real or not.  I have too often mistaken love with infatuation and I do not want to make that mistake again.   We have already passed a few of the milestones above, except for saying those 3 words. 

  • Sunset

    Haha! I love you!

  • Becky To


  • Thought Catalog

    Reblogged this on Oneirophrenia and commented:
    I think a lot of this is applicable for both Elmer and I. Especially the first two. the “Beb, I fart” is actually really funny, but we never had false pretenses about each other, but we did make extra efforts. Now we both go out looking like bums but feeling great. haha.

  • Thought Catalog

    Reblogged this on The World Without Us.

  • skankangel

    Reblogged this on SkankAngel and commented:
    Nailed it.

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