How To Tell If Somebody Loves You
Cataloged in Romance / Love

How To Tell If Somebody Loves You

Somebody loves you if they pick an eyelash off of your face or wet a napkin and apply it to your dirty skin. You didn’t ask for these things, but this person went ahead and did it anyway. They don’t want to see you looking like a fool with eyelashes and crumbs on your face. They notice these things. They really look at you and are the first to notice if something is amiss with your beautiful visage!

Somebody loves you if they assume the role of caretaker when you’re sick. Unsure if someone really gives a shit about you? Fake a case of food poisoning and text them being like, “oh my god, so sick. need water.” Depending on their response, you’ll know whether or not they REALLY love you. “That’s terrible. Feel better!” earns you a stay in friendship jail; “Do you need anything? I can come over and bring you get well remedies!” gets you a cozy friendship suite. It’s easy to care about someone when they don’t need you. It’s easy to love them when they’re healthy and don’t ask you for anything beyond change for the parking meter. Being sick is different. Being sick means asking someone to hold your hair back when you vomit. Either love me with vomit in my hair or don’t love me at all.

Somebody loves you if they call you out on your bullshit. They’re not passive, they don’t just let you get away with murder. They know you well enough and care about you enough to ask you to chill out, to bust your balls, to tell you to stop. They aren’t passive observers in your life, they are in the trenches. They have an opinion about your decisions and the things you say and do. They want to be a part of it; they want to be a part of you.

Somebody loves you if they don’t mind the quiet. They don’t mind running errands with you or cleaning your apartment while blasting some annoying music. There’s no pressure, no need to fill the silences. You know how with some of your friends there needs to be some sort of activity for you to hang out? You don’t feel comfortable just shooting the shit and watching bad reality TV with them. You need something that will keep the both of you busy to ensure there won’t be a void. That’s not love. That’s “hey babe! i like you okay. do you wanna grab lunch? i think we have enough to talk about to fill two hours!” It’s a damn dream when you find someone you can do nothing with. Whether you’re skydiving together or sitting at home and doing different things, it’s always comfortable. That is fucking love.

Somebody loves you if they want you to be happy, even if that involves something that doesn’t benefit them. They realize the things you need to do in order to be content and come to terms with the fact that it might not include them. Never underestimate the gift of understanding. When there are so many people who are selfish and equate relationships as something that only must make them happy, having someone around who can take their needs out of any given situation if they need to.

Somebody loves you if they can order you food without having to be told what you want. Somebody loves you if they rub your back at any given moment. Somebody loves you if they give you oral sex without expecting anything back. Somebody loves you if they don’t care about your job or how much money you make. It’s a relationship where no one is selling something to the other. No one is the prostitute. Somebody loves you if they’ll watch a movie starring Kate Hudson because you really really want to see it. Somebody loves you if they’re able to create their own separate world with you, away from the internet and your job and family and friends. Just you and them.

Somebody will always love you. If you don’t think this is true, then you’re not paying close enough attention. TC mark

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

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  • walter davis

    i liked the naive optimism of the last two lines. wish it was true

    • Kia Etienne

      naive? far from it.

      • JD

        come on, not EVERYONE in the world is loved like this. 

      • JD

         (oh, unless you’re thinking of like, “God” or something.

      • C_a_rowell

        Hm, having God lick a napkin and wipe the mustard off your face.  That’s an interesting thought. :)

      • Kia Etienne

        its sad if you don’t believe that everyone is loved by someone. i feel sorry for you.

      • Surfdal1

        im gonna go eat worms

    • Anna B

      your mom will always love you <3 that's what I thought of when I read the last lines :D

      • James Mitchell

        Oh please, your mom’s (hopefully) not going to give you oral sex.

      • Tortoise


      • Tortoise


      • Tortoise


  • Katherine Hatcher

    I love this, Ryan. So so true. It’s wonderful when you finally realize that one of your friendships has blossomed into something like you described :)

  • Joey Martino

    FML….i knew it wasnt real love, fuck her and fuck u too

  • Anna B

    Loved this. A nice deviation from your recent posts. I loved the warm, fuzzy feelings I got while reading :]

  • Jessthatsme

    So what if that person did everything on this list, even moved to another state to be with you after a year and a half of long-distance, but still walked away for no reason, and now is “with” someone who lives 2 hours away? Is that still real love?

    • Manna Arie

      shit, that’s deep shit

    • rion harmon

      that person loved you then, it seems

    • sad

      Why does this happen? Who will explain that? Just selfishness? Man, so hopeless. :(

    • Lilmissmallory

      You can love someone and still not want to spend your life with them. Sometimes loving someone involves letting them go and find happiness with someone else. I don’t know your exact situation but sometimes leaving can be the most loving thing you can do in the situation.

      I’m sorry your heart has been broken. I hope you won’t let it keep you from falling in love all over again. Unfortunately it seems you have to risk being hurt when you open your heart to love. I’ve personally been trying to find a way around that for years. But I was only led to accepting that fact.

  • lifediving

    Somebody loves you if they’ll drive 8 hours with you to the middle of nowhere so you can be reunited with your childhood dog.

    • RAH


  • Marc Cram

    Somebody loves you if she hides your keys and then watches you run around wildly looking for them while she  giggles.

  • ryanislovely

    im not sure if you’re just a good person ryan, or if you’ve had depressed friends and are especially sensitive to the needs of people who are down in the dumps, but i feel like with almost every post…there’s always something hopeful, and not just lala life is fun, but hopeful for depressed people…which is pretty damn powerful.  Kind of like here’s my really good post, it’s funny and well written, but oh just in case you’re depressed and feel like life isnt worth living…here’s something to bring you back off the ledge and remind you that life can be good and even though i dont know you, you probably are great.

    good job making people feel better about themselves, good job being a good person.
    (this got really serious, real fast)

    • Briana

      Best comment I’ve ever read on TC, sincerely.


      I’m not one of those “OMG Ryan O’Connell please be my best friend” people that seem to pepper every comments section of every article you write, Ryan, because I don’ t usually find your articles that engaging. This one, however, hit me ‘like a ton of bricks’. By which I mean…wow.

  • CO

    I’m using this at my wedding. I’m not asking. I’m telling. And I’m keeping the oral sex part. Suck that, Grandma!

  • Sally Jenkins

    The last two lines are mushy and false. What about the homeless man on my block who scares people into giving him money by showing him the growth on his abdomen? No one loves that man ALWAYS.

    • Cathy

      At sometime, somewhere, I’m sure somebody did.

    • Samantha Yee

      maybe his mom

  • Alyssa

    yes yes yes yes yes

  • EP

    This is exactly what I needed to read today. You rule, Ryan O’Conn.

  • christine

    The paragraph about not minding the quiet is both well written and beautifully accurate. 

    great work ryan

  • Eliot Rose

    Somebody loves you if she takes the time to comment on your post about how much it sings to her. 

    The paragraph about calling someone out on his bullshit/busting his balls is so accurate and so poignant and goddamn I wish my friends understood this.  It all comes back to love.

  • Kay

    I love you, Ryan. :)

    • Ryan D

      Hey, you too. Haha

  • Drewwitkowsky

    Somebody must kill me for reading this

  • Frida

    We all need the same things, yet somehow it all gets so complicated.

    I still have hope.

  • Potatoe

    I don’t think you should be faking food poisoning to test someone’s love. Kind of a dick move.

  • Amonghumanity

    This is beautiful. I got a little teary eyed. I completely agree. I saw this in myself, and I saw this in people in my life. Anyone who has this is lucky. One of my favorite articles, thank you so much. <3

  • Sam

    Ahhh jeez, Ryan, my boyfriend’s in Europe for the next two-and-a-half weeks and I miss that kid so fucking much and you just dropped like a tear bomb on my heart, man, because we do more than half of this with each other all the time, and I can’t even contact him. Why must you know how to hit me right in my poor youthful girl-heart, Ryan?!

    Wonderful work, but now I’m gonna have to go cry for a while. That got me good. 

    • vintagelace

      It must be “person I care about has fucked off to Europe and I’m so tragically alone in my bed” month. 

      • Sam

        Well, all July has going for it is being National Blueberry Month, so that seems like a catchy replacement title.

      • eleanor

        It actually is! 

      • Inkstained

        Hell, I’m the one who fucked off to Europe and I still find myself tragically alone in my bed.

    • Anonymous

      Haha, my boyfriend did the exact same thing in this time period.

  • R

    i really like the last sentence.

  • Adz Asnawi

    “Somebody will always love you. If you don’t think this is true, then you’re not paying close enough attention.” ~~ouch! did this just hit me like a fire truck? I think it just did.

  • Johnnyboy

    There’s a lot of truth in this text.  Love to find a girl who could offer all of that!

  • Georgie

    you just reaffirmed my belief in my relationship yay!

  • Em

    So according to this list, I still love my ex-boyfriend, and he never loved me. Seems accurate.

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