1. It gives you permanent anxiety
If there’s one thing that I’ve learned in the last year, it’s that life is really really stressful. It never lets up. The shit keeps getting piled on and all you want to do is go back to being a five-year-old eating bugs who has nothing to do. But that’s never going to happen so you just have to deal. A relationship in your twenties and beyond should be way more relaxed than any relationship you had in high school and college. Why? Because you don’t have time to be in a relationship that feels like a job. You’ve matured and moved on from the “Beb. Where R U beb? Who r u texting?” games of yesteryear. Back then, you had time to have an insane relationship because you were probably insane yourself and/or really bored. “I HAVE NOTHING TO DO TODAY. MAYBE I SHOULD START SOME SHIT WITH MY BF?” Ah, those were the days! If you still find yourself running into the same problems you were dealing with at sixteen, chances are you need to do some serious reevaluating. Your significant other is supposed to chill you out from the daily crap you have to deal with, not add to it.
2. They are always jealous
Some people are under the assumption that if their BF/GF is jealous, it just means they really care about them. No. What it actually means is that your special person has some serious insecurity issues. It actually doesn’t even have much to do with you. Jealousy is going to be recurring theme in all of their relationships so don’t just think it’s because they love you the most. Jealous partners should be forced to listen to “Why you so obsessed with me?” by Mariah Carey on a constant loop and then get into some therapy.
3. It’s a bipolar rollercoaster
I was crazy with the first dude I ever dated. Like actually insane. Things would either always be so good or so so bad. My Livejournal entries attest to this fact because they would usually go like this:
Date: August 1, 2005
My heart is broken. He doesn’t give a shit about me. I guess we’re done for good.
Date August 2, 2005
Things are fixed. We spent all day together and I just…I really love him…..
So I know there’s a song called “Rollercoaster of Love” but to me, love is less of a Magic Mountain thrill ride and more of a sweet happy (and occasionally exciting/terrifying) ride at Disneyland. A relationship should by no means feel like a nap and an early bird dinner at Mimi’s Cafe. But it shouldn’t be so inconsistent either. There should be no breaking up to make up, no devastating lows just to reach their highs. It should be steady.
4. You feel guilty for spending time with other people
This should be a “Never” kind of situation. If your beau makes you feel bad for doing something that doesn’t involve them, it’s a red flag. Of course they’re allowed to be bummed—hanging out with you is the best ever— but you should never feel guilt-tripped. That’s just rude, immature, and a total bonerkill.
5. You feel like you need to change
If someone dates you, they must understand that you are sold as is. They are not on an episode of Flipping Out and you are not a fixer-upper in Laurel Canyon. One of the great things about being in a relationship is opening yourself up to new experiences. You can date someone who loves comic books and totally begin to understand the genius of Stan Lee. Hell, you should even go to Comic Con! Why not? But these are your choices. It’s something you should want to do. You shouldn’t feel pressure from the other party. If they’re giving you crap about the fact that you like to eat meat or wear high-waisted skirts, you should just be like, “LOVE ME 4 ME!” and run away sobbing hysterically. Just kidding. Don’t do that. But keep the skirt on and order the steak.