Thought Catalog

5 Things That Will Make You Miss Your Ex

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MUSIC

Music is great but it can be a little bitch sometimes, can’t it? The other day I was cleaning my apartment when a song came on that stopped me dead in my tracks. It was a little slice of heavenly dream pop by Washed Out that I used to play whenever this boy I was seeing came over to my apartment. Even though I stopped listening to it around the time we broke up and kind of forgot about it, I started to become overwhelmed with this sense of nostalgia. I immediately thought of winter, the way he smelled, and all of that other cheesy shit everyone is too embarrassed to talk about. I was temporarily stunned, which was confusing because the relationship itself was pretty unremarkable. But music is crazy like that. It can bring dormant feelings to the surface and before you know it, you’re texting your ex who you don’t even really think about something like, “just heard that song we always used to listen to. miss ya!” When you’re released from the song’s spell, you quickly come to your senses and delete it from your iTunes library.

THE INTERNET

Thanks to the internet, there are a myriad of different ways you can miss your ex. You can go on Facebook and lurk their life without you. Oh look, there’s a picture of them at a party looking completely normal and happy. And oh my god, they’re writing cute and clever things on someone else’s wall. How are they able to do that? They’ve learned how to do these things without you—how to be happy and how to exist. Oh dear. You were hoping for solemn song lyrics on a status update, a new photo album titled, “I’M DEPRESSED.” But nope. You got nice and normal instead. If you feel like you haven’t suffered enough, you can always read old Gchats or Facebook messages between the two of you. Or you can look at pictures of you two laying in bed on your old blog. Choose your own sad adventure!

YOUR CURRENT SIGNIFICANT OTHER

Admit it. Sometimes you look at your current BF/GF and compare them to your ex. It’s only natural! They’re your point of reference and sometimes your mind can’t resist connecting the dots. “Weird. My ex didn’t usually make that face when they were brushing their teeth. What does it all mean? Have I chosen the wrong relationship?!” When something is dissatisfying you in your current relationship, you tend to romanticize your past. “Sure my ex was completely wrong for me and treated me like crap daily but they did this really cute thing one time and maybe we should still be together?!” Whoa there, horsey. Slow down. Missing a bad relationship is like coming down with a temporary case of amnesia. You’re Michelle Tanner in Full House and you’ve fallen off that damn horse! It’s important to recognize that these thoughts are just a by-product of your insanity and to push them out of your mind ASAP.

BEING SINGLE AND NOT READY 2 MINGLE

Remember when someone wanted to have sex with you all of the time? Sigh. Those were the days. If you have a prolonged period of singledom after a relationship, you tend to miss your ex quite a bit. I mean, this might be kind of gross to say but sometimes the best way to get over an ex is to get under someone else. A person needs to fuck your ex out of you. “Get out! You don’t belong here anymore!” Think of the post-relationship fuck as an exorcism, and if you go too long without “calling an exorcist”, stuff can get real #dark.

WHEN YOUR EX GETS INTO A NEW RELATIONSHIP

Jealousy is an evil gross thing. I have broken up with boys before without having any regrets until they got involved with someone else. I go from, “Can you leave?” to “Where’d you go? I miss you! Cum back!” It’s an unfortunate character flaw—wanting something simply because you can’t have it—but I take solace in knowing that many others suffer from this as well. A lot of us are nuts when it comes to our exes. Yay! TC mark

image – Helga Weber

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    • rb

      first!

      • http://twitter.com/HipsterFriend HipsterFriend

        Just so you know, that's frowned upon here.

        • Ella

          And the rest of the fucking internet.

      • Harry

        you are better than this. go back to the hipster runoff comment section ;-)

    • average girl

      im currently battling with a character flaw called 'wtf, how are you in a new relationshp?! i thought you still loved me, and me only!' its real #dark.

    • simón

      Ugh. This.

    • Cho

      Ugh I hate memories of my ex. Especially the ones that make me miss him so much. I gave up Facebook so I can stop looking at photos of him (and his girlfriend).

    • Clark

      #6: reading this.  gonna go check my ex's blog now :(

    • La Chica

      I am suffering from missmyexallthetime.  The worse part is,  we've been broken up for about 8 months now and I have a wonderful new boyfriend who treats me way better, is much better looking, a better lover, and has a much nicer body.. He is basically everything my ex wasn't, yet I still think about him all the time and have this tiny hope that we will bump into each other and possibly rekindle the romance. Can someone tell me how to get rid of this awful condition?  I

      • El Chico

        This is called emotional infidelity. It's not right to stay with your current boyfriend if you still have feelings for your ex. It's not fair to him. You have no idea how much it hurts to know that your current girlfriend is still attached to their ex, trust me I've gone through this/am still going through it. You know deep down that they still have feelings for their ex, but you still stick with them because you love them and care about them, and hope that eventually it'll disappear. It kills you every time they bring up their ex or talk about them. It made me so sad and I hated it, but I still listened. I guess all I'm trying to say is please be honest with yourself and your current boyfriend. Tell him how you feel because there's nothing worse than being in a relationship..while still hoping for a past romance to be 'rekindled'.

    • FromGoddessesandOtherDemons

      I'm that ex my ex-bfs miss :/ I'm sorry but that's reality.

      • Dfkjdlf

        lies

    • http://twitter.com/nestevian888 Niv

      I always enjoy your writing  =)

    • http://thetangential.com Becky Lang

      lol when michelle fell off that horse.

      • http://profiles.google.com/mopeyprincess mopey P

        nice Olsen shoutout

      • http://fastfoodies.org Briana

        every time TC mentions full house, an angel is born in my soul.

    • Kremlin

      they need to just rename this site Ryan O'Connell dot com. Overload

      • Matisse Jenkins

        It's only because Ryan is the best. You don't like him, don't read him. But there's really no need to bash his contributions in the comments. Thanks. :)
        Unless, of course, you're a fan simply commenting on how often you get to read his wonderfully entertaining pieces. If that's true, then I wholeheartedly agree.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1606470105 Xaxira Nathalya Velasco

      When I saw this I instantly knew Ryan wrote it. My favorite lines were:
      “I mean, this might be kind of gross to say but sometimes the best way to
      get over an ex is to get under someone else. A person needs to fuck
      your ex out of you. “Get out! You don’t belong here anymore!” Think of
      the post-relationship fuck as an exorcism, and if you go too long
      without “calling an exorcist”, stuff can get real #dark.”

    • Rachel Butters Scotch

      Ugh, so relevant to my life currently. I'm in the “DON'T YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS?!” phase. Ugh.

    • http://twitter.com/goutspleen victoria trott

      i like the pictured tummy

    • Marcus

      Dear Ryan, 

      I absolutely love reading your posts, but a lot of them mention things about your ex(es)! 

      So maybe you should just go on a date with me……………… :)

    • http://twitter.com/courtenanay Courtney Goldy

      RomComs! Always remind me of my ex.

    • hhlk9
    • cg

      perfecting timing ryan o'conn. gotta luv ya!

    • http://www.oneyearintexas.com Perfect Circles

      The only way to never have to deal with these problems is never getting emotionally attached to anyone you're with.

      • Jordan

        Unfortunately, that's a coping mechanism many many people have, it's a shame

    • Jordan

      I can't listen to 'Down On Me' anymore.  A song I had barely heard or liked became inextricably linked with a girl and now it holds no more purpose than to remind me of her!

    • clockwatchinggg

      i know right. the idea of being single makes you think of your ex, a lot, but i figured i still don't feel like dating anyone :S emotional detatchment

    • lnlb24rt
    • panajane

      I'm starting to really enjoy these Ryan O'Connel posts. Familiar somehow, like I'm conversing with a friend.

    • nynu5
    • Eddygbongos

      My ex-husband and I had always manged to stay friendly after our divorce, but I always wanted to get back together with him, and he was never sure. So, I thought it was about time I MADE him sure! All it took was a visit to your website and a request for a specific love spell, and Uda spell’s powers began to work their magic. My spell is working because guess what: My “ex” is soon to be my husband again! This is nothing short of a miracle. Thank you, vadoo spell. Words are not enough.contact the great man udatemple@gmail.com or (http://www.udaspelltemple.tk

    • mukkin

      My ex-husband and I had always manged to stay friendly after our divorce, but I always wanted to get back together with him, and he was never sure. So, I thought it was about time I MADE him sure! All it took was to contact you and a request for a specific love spell, and vadoo spell’s powers began to work their magic. My spell is working because guess what: My “ex” is soon to be my husband again! This is nothing short of a miracle. Thank you,  vadoo  spell. Words are not enough.contact the great man on vadoospell@gmail.com

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