The Different Kinds Of Hipsters There Are

The Hipster Heartbreaker

Source: Thomas Peter Schulz

What They’re About: Hipster heartbreakers are total dreamboat babes. They’re kind of too hot to be even called hipster but because it’s such an all-encompassing term, we must include them. They get laid more often than they listen to Loveless by My Bloody Valentine. They behave like aloof assholes, but we forgive them because we want to fuck them. Tread carefully though. After they bed you, they’ll disappear in a cloud of “I’m out of your league.”

Fashion Sense: Anything that obscures their secretly hot body. Long flannels, potato sack dresses etc. Getting them naked is like a nice surprise. Hey hipster girl hey!

Celeb Comparison: Mary-Kate Olsen smoking cigarettes and not giving a fuck with Michael Pitt talking about Basquiat or some shit.

Preferred Hangout Spot: Your bedroom.

Drug of Choice: Coke. It keeps them thin and makes them act even more like an asshole.

Favorite Bands: Their own. They’re the lead singer, duh!

The D.I.Y. Hipster

What They’re About: These people usually live in places like Portland, Santa Cruz, Olympia or Northampton. They love Etsy, read Bust and make mittens to wear in 80 degree weather. They’re usually vegan too and drink lots of Kombucha and have potlucks and I’m falling asleep.

Fashion Sense: Someone’s who about to keel over and die. Think senior citizen with lots of weird patchwork and sun bonnets. Grandpa sweaters.

Celeb Comparison: Miranda July writing short stories about swimming pools in the leafy shade of her porch.

Preferred Hangout Spot: Coffee shops, craft fairs and bake sales.

Drug of Choice: Weed and opium tea.

Favorite Bands: Belle & Sebastian, Camera Obscura and Marianne Faithful.

The Hippie Hipster

What They’re About: The Hippie Hipster is super similar to the D.I.Y. Hipster. They probably even hang out with each other IRL. But The Hippie Hipster is way more annoying, judgmental, and faux-spiritual. They like to live drama free lives and spread positivity, but in reality, they write people off for simple things like eating meat and reading celebrity tabloids. They also can be really into conspiracy theories which is the worst!

Fashion Sense: Um, they have none. Ripped jeans, tie dye shirts, ratty tank tops, hemp.

Celeb Comparison: Devendra Banhart talking to Joanna Newsom about the trees.

Preferred Hangout Spot: Forests, campgrounds, Coachella, and Humboldt.

Drug of Choice: Hallucinogens.

Favorite Bands: Manu Chao and Animal Collective.

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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  • ilovecats

    northampton*

  • Joy

    Thanks, I really needed this.

  • lando

    im a hipster heartbreaker, jk

  • http://twitter.com/brooklyknight David Trahan

    IIIIIIIII fucking LOOOOVEE YOU!

  • http://profiles.google.com/dishwaterdiablo Cassandra Nguyen

    lol

  • guest

    “…and have potlucks and I'm falling asleep.” ahahah

  • dmanstar

    How many more times is this article going to be written?

    • Greg

      Until the WWE creates a wrestler with a edgy, hipster attitude

      • PERFECTCIRCLES

        EDGE

  • http://profiles.google.com/justaduckyguy Conor Foley

    I want to major in hieroglyphics…

    • http://gearshack.blogspot.com Naked&Famous

      EDIT: I wish i could afford to major in hieroglyphics…

  • http://twitter.com/adamjk Adam

    “They’ve always heard that Berlin and Toronto is nice.”

    • http://twitter.com/adamjk Adam

      oh, i was quoting that because it's spot on, not for grammar!

  • http://twitter.com/spencerhcain spencer cain

    ugh, that was good, but it bothers me that you used a picture of yourself.

    • like

      Why? At least he's being self-aware.

  • DiTrapano

    “They’re usually vegan too and drink lots of Kombucha and have potlucks and I’m falling asleep.” lol

  • http://phmadore.com P. H. Madore

    Proudly accidental if at all.

    • Guest

      A true hipster would never admit to being a hipster

  • http://twitter.com/FLYamSAM Denden

    Hippie-Gay Hipster (who happens to love Camera Obscura) reporting in

  • eric

    so great, definitely on point, halfway between the gay/fashion one, so basically i'm just a huge pretentious homo.

    ps you're super cute!

  • Angela

    Good read but I can't help but sense some misplaced anger there. You make being hipster sound like such a bad idea. Is it a crime to be different nowadays?

    • Bear

      It's not really different if there are millions of people doing it.

      • Jane

        But if “millions of people” are only .1% of the population then its still different. Just because it has a pattern and a worldview doesn't make it “not different”

  • SBB

    love the part about sunbonnets, and I'm glad you put in that last category because 90% of my hipster friends are of this variety. cool

  • http://twitter.com/FTfunkj Joey Martino

    good article but i wish u would have covered the “hip-hop hipster,” wears flannels, thrift store button ups, dickies, tight jeans, sometimes skate shoes and skate shirts, maybe even a flat bill, shops at zumiez, thrift stores, wal-mart, shaggy hair, beard. Hangs out anywhere downtown, electro clubs, pubs, listens to sts9, disco biscutis, bassnectar, maybe neon indian, animal collective, OFWGKTA, das racist, underground hip-hop, any and all drugs mostly psychedelics, pharmies, hippie tendencies while embracing hip-hop culture as well.

    • Greg

      damn, described the hell outta me

      • diddly

        Me too. I love Odd Future, only hipsters like them really.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/G-rac-Ushdugery/100000870217856 G-rac Ushdugery

      That actually described people I know as opposed to the ones in the article.

    • Bon

      I don't know why but I find that type of dressing really hot. The flanno, button-ups, skinny jeans, skate shoes or kicks. When it isn't overdone with over-the-top colourful shoes, it's kinda hot. Am I the only one who thinks so?

  • http://twitter.com/adamhump adamhump

    I'd like to create a subcategory under “bourgie hipster” : the “spawn of 80's california celebrities hipster”… they're fucking everywhere

  • ha

    “Nothing special. The more “edgy” Forever 21 dresses, cardigans, skinny jeans. Very generic hipster.”

    Haha. My state school is full of these entry level types who think they are changing the game with their Charlotte Russe rompers.

    • SteveJobs

      I just want to keep liking this over and over again

  • cal

    lesbian hipster too. definitely its own subcategory.

  • Anon

    seems long overdue

    or overdone

  • http://twitter.com/LulabelleNiche Gabrielle Bodek

    haha I love the accidental hipster, a.k.a hipster by association

  • asdfghjkl;

    if i read ONE more thing about “HiPsTeRz” i will kill myself an take the entire fucking internet with me

    • PERFECTCIRCLES

      2011 is the last year for the term “hipster.” The internet and the world at large agreed to it in a UN resolution last month.

  • Annie

    srsly need to possibly add 'aging hipster' to this list. please?

    cool.

  • Greg

    I don't get it…..so which one should I be copying?

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