An Open Letter To The Quintessential ‘Almost’ Girlfriend

You probably don’t know I’m addressing you, sweet girl. You have probably been lied to by him and yourself too many times now, that you actually believe it’s only a matter of days. You believe you are the ‘pre-girlfriend’. That you are in the sweet spot before the label, the courting phase, the honeymoon phase, the chasing and flirting and intoxicating phase, but you’re not.

I’m talking to the girl who’s been promised that “life-changing” label for almost a year now. Who has been patient and understanding and naive. The girl who believes in destiny and fate and “meant to be.” I’m talking to the girl we have all been at some point—the one who gives men more chances than they deserve, who waits, who accepts, who smiles even when they’re breaking inside.

But let me tell you this, you deserve a label. You deserve to believe in love and romance and the chase. You deserve to feel whole.

Because this guy, the one so terrified of labeling something which resembles a relationship, the one who tells you he just ‘needs time’ or that it’s ‘heading somewhere serious,’ or that he wants to ‘see what happens;’ he’s just selfish. He enjoys the way you curl your body around his at night and kiss him on his nose in the morning. He loves the smell of your fresh coffee before you disappear for work and he loves the texts you send him throughout the day just to let him know he’s in your thoughts.

He craves all of the benefits of the relationship without the commitment; he wants you but he also wants that hot blonde at the bar who’s giving him the eye. He knows you’ll make a wonderful girlfriend, but he’s also excited to find out how Alice from marketing will look when she’s going down on him. He can see a future with you, but he’s worried someone else will come along and he’ll be really gutted if he doesn’t get to fuck her too.

So stop staying up late just to see if he’ll text you today. Stop losing time thinking about him when he’s decided to be out of touch for the weekend. Stop telling other decent guys, who would actually treat you right, that you’re taken because we both know he isn’t doing the same when random girl hits on him at the bar.

Stop swiping left on Tinder, stop ignoring your friend at work who’s gorgeous and interested, just because he isn’t him. Just because you’re still holding on to that empty promise which never actually left his lips.

Stop putting meaning into everything he says, trying to convince yourself that he just wants to take it slow. Stop making Pinterest boards for your wedding day. Stop watching movies about couples who end up together in the end, who battle through the difficult part and make it work. Stop ignoring your friends when they are painfully honest about what this is. Stop immediately replying when he eventually texts you. Stop letting him introduce you to his friends or family whom you bump into, as just a friend or as no one significant at all.

Stop losing yourself, stop sending him half naked photos in the hope it’ll change his mind. Stop imagining if you were someone different- someone with shinier hair or a smaller waist or perfect skin, that he would give you what you want.

Stop letting yourself be treated as someone who does not deserve a label. A commitment. An ability to tell people what you two have. Stop falling apart on the bathroom floor because he still won’t tell you what you mean to him.

Demand more. Demand your worth. Demand that he defines the relationship. Demand that he introduces you to the important people in his life. Or quite simply, leave. Because you deserve more.

You should not have to beg someone to love you, to show up, to care. You should not have to keep asking the same question and get vague answers in return. You deserve to be the one, the only one. And if he isn’t capable of that, you deserve someone else. Someone better. Someone worthy of you.

You deserve so much more than “almost.”