I Hope You’re Happy With The Image You Left

God & Man

Do you remember the last conversation we had? You said you’d like to see me one more time. You said you’d like to talk to me again because you missed me. You said that this time, you’d be there, at least as a friend, because losing me was the worst thing that happened to you. You said you wanted another chance. You said you’d do anything so I can let you in again. And I did. I said let’s start over. I said we’ve both changed and grew up and things could really take a different turn this time. I said losing you sucked too and I don’t want to lose you again.

And here we are, a year later, and I haven’t heard a word from you. And here we are, a year apart, and I can feel your distance more than ever. And here I am, feeling stupid for believing you again. And here you are, nothing but an image that keeps getting uglier. An image that keeps getting out of focus. An image I no longer recognize. 

I hope you’re happy with the image you left. I hope you’re happy that this is how I see you now. Unreliable. Distant. A coward. A liar.

I hope you’re happy that you were able to feed me sweet lies again and I believed them. I hope you’re happy that you win every time with me. I hope you’re happy with the reassurance that I keep giving you, knowing that I will always come back to you if you ask me to. I hope that this makes you sleep at night. I hope that this makes you feel powerful. I hope you’re happy that your spell works on me every time.

I hope you’re happy that you go on telling everyone how you fooled me. I hope it makes you feel strong when you tell people that you didn’t mean a single word you said and blamed it on the shots of tequila you had that night. I hope it makes for a good story on boys night. I hope you feel satisfied that once again you can get any woman you want no matter how long it has been or how far away she is. I hope that this makes you feel like a man. I hope that this is how you define your masculinity.

But more than anything, I hope you know how happy your happiness over breaking my heart makes me. I hope you know that this was all I needed to get over you once and for all. I hope you know that your happiness was how I found mine. Your happiness was how I redeemed myself. Your happiness was the reason I moved on overnight and woke up one day forgetting everything you made me feel. Forgetting the pain you put me through. Forgetting the crazy love I had for you.

I hope you know that seeing you happy made me want to be happy without you. It made me realize that my pain makes you happy. My misery brings you joy. My heartbreak brings you power.

And I hope you know that even if you were the last man on earth, I still wouldn’t be with you. I would never choose you again.

I hope you’re happy with the image you left because I am. I’m happy I finally saw you for who you really are. I’m happy I’m no longer going to waste my love and heart on you. I’m happy I’m no longer waiting for you to love me. I’m happy because I finally got over you and it required no effort from me. All I had to do was look at the image you left closely to realize that it’s not a pretty image. It’s not for me. It’s not mine. It’s an image I don’t want to ever see again. TC mark

Rania Naim

Writing. Living. Loving. Dreaming. Healing. Evolving.

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