I get it.

I’ve been there.

You think it must be you because he started dating someone else right after he told you he wasn’t ready.

You think it must be you because it happens to you to repeatedly, from different men and they can’t all be that bad.

You’re the one thing they’ve all got in common.

You think it must be you because you keep pushing them away, into the arms of other women.

You think it must be you because they never resurfaced, they never came back and they never apologized for letting you go.

You think it must be you because of all of your unresolved childhood issues, you think it’s because you still have a lot of things to work on and a lot of things to fix. You think maybe you’re unfixable.

You think it must be you because you want love so much and every time you try to ask for it, you get denied. Every time you think it’s real, it fools you.

You think it’s you because maybe on a deeper level, you stopped believing that you deserve it. Maybe on a deeper level, you don’t believe that you will find it and you keep falling for those who prove you right.

I’m not going to tell you that you are perfect, that’s it’s definitely them not you and I’m not going to tell you that you’re better than them but I am going to tell you that even if you’re the problem, someone who really wants you will not run away.

Someone who really wants you will try to understand where the problem is coming from, he will try to find answers — maybe a solution.

He will try to listen before he shuts off, he will try to talk to you before he stops responding to your messages, he will try to spend more time with you before he decides he doesn’t want to see you anymore. He will try before gives up. He should at least try.

I know you’re too hard on yourself, but you also find people who are harder on you. You find people who make you feel like your problems are insoluble.

But even if you are the problem, even if you don’t always say or do the right things, it shouldn’t be a deal-breaker, it shouldn’t be a reason for someone to stop trying. We all have problems we’re still trying to solve but we don’t need someone who wants us with no baggage and no problems, we don’t need someone who takes the easy out.

We need someone who helps us face our problems, someone who helps us unload our baggage and loves even the most incomplete parts of who we are.

Rania Naim is a poet and author of the new book All The Words I Should Have Said, available here.