I try to spend a vast majority of my time trying to figure out how to be nice to other people. I always think I am not doing enough. I’m the first to apologise if something goes wrong and try and fix it. And when someone is suffering, I simply cannot stand around and watch, I have to do something about it. However, this is where the problem comes in.
I am so willing and happy to accommodate others, I often forget to accommodate for myself. I forget to take the me time I need because I feel guilty for being selfish. I neglect my mental health for other people’s mental health. I let my niceness be taken for granted.
I apologise constantly. Whether it actually has to do with me or not, which makes me an easy target for nasty people to take for a ride. Because I am so quick to apologise, I am easy to manipulate. Even people I love will use me as a scapegoat in trying to get out of something or shifting blame.
I make different rules for other people and for myself. I am constantly beating myself up for the things that happen in my day, where I could have been nicer or done more. But when it comes to other people, I do not allow people to beat themselves up, I always try to point out positives to them.
I give too much, and a vast majority of the time I have ended up in an abusive relationship (friendship or romantic) is because I am giving far too much to people who are selfish, and smell from a distance that I’m soft and therefore easy to take advantage of. It’s taken a lot of trauma at the hands of other people for me to understand how toxic being too nice can be.
People often think that you’re being nice because you want something. Unfortunately we live in a world where people are always under the impression that niceness has to have a reason. That you are expecting something in return. Like kindness has a price tag too. And because of that they regard you with suspicion if you’re too nice. Call you names like manipulative or clingy. Yet are perfectly happy to take your kindness for granted when it comes to things like money.
I am easily hurt because I expect other people to be nice in turn to me too. And by and large people are not nice, they are looking out for themselves.
And this is why being too nice is so toxic, it pollutes and corrupts your open heart with the nastiness other people throw your way because you are too nice to say no, too nice to berate or hurt them, too nice to be cruel in return.
So do yourself a favour, and learn the lesson I did the hard way this year. Learn the word no. Make it your best friend. And remember that saying no, doesn’t make you a bad person. It just means you choose self care sometimes.