I try to think the best of people. Really I do. I focus on the good aspects, I try to be empathetic to their problems, I try to love first and judge second. And of course I mess up, just like everyone else, I have flaws the size of planets. But I try to always apologise, self evaluate and be self aware of my mistakes. This is what growth is about, right? Well, unfortunately, no matter how much you try to see and do the best by others, other people will not do and see the best by you. All you can control at the end of the day is your own actions. No one else’s.
So when your best friend back stabs you. When your boyfriend cheats on you. When your parents don’t understand you. When the people you love act uncharacteristically awful and leave you feeling heartbroken, I need you to remember this: this wasn’t your fault and you do not deserve this. No matter what the offending party says to you, you did not deserve their ill treatment. And you do not need to spend sleepless nights trying to figure out what you did wrong to deserve this kind of betrayal, this kind of heartbreak.
People’s actions are their own. We are all responsible for the way we behave with others. And the easy way out is to say “She provoked me, or he caused me to act like a horrible person.” No. We all have a choice. And the people who broke you had a choice too. They just chose the wrong one. And sadly, not everyone has the courage to apologise for their wrong doings. In fact, most people are able to justify every cruel thing they have ever done to you in their own heads.
In their minds, you are overreacting. You are being unreasonable. You are acting stupid. But your reactions are justified. Please don’t let them gaslight you into thinking they aren’t. This is what you need to remember when you are betrayed by the people you trust the most: It wasn’t your fault. No matter how much they convince you it was.