Recognise that there are people in this world who are going to use your trauma, your heartache to control you in an argument, in a relationship, in your life, in moments when you are at your most fragile and vulnerable. This is how abusers work.
If you are afraid of being abandoned, they will leave without telling you where they are going in the middle of you having your say in an argument. And no matter how much you ask them to come back, they keep you locked out, bleeding and in pain.
If you have been beaten or raped in your past, they will say you deserved it in an argument, just to cause you to break down. And when you break down, they will watch you and refuse to apologise for what they have said.
If you hate swearing and name calling in an argument they will swear at you and call you so many names, particularly those you hate, that you are shocked into silence because of traumatic memories.
If they are in the wrong and they have been caught, they will point out your flaws and your damage and act like it was your fault this happened. It doesn’t even matter if you catch them cheating, somehow this will be your fault.
Understand, it doesn’t matter if they are the nicest people in the world otherwise and have no idea that they are doing something wrong. It matters that there is a monster inside them that comes out in an argument. That is when people are their truest selves. In adversity.
If they do ANY of these things, they are abusive. And you do not need nor deserve any more of that in your life, no matter how much anyone says you are ‘difficult’ or ‘hard to deal with’. You are not a burden. And your trauma is not a weapon someone else is allowed to use to stab you with.