Just for a while, stop looking behind you.
This is going to be really difficult but you have to try with everything you have got, to stop looking behind you. Your past has a hold on you in a way nothing should, and the problem is, you are letting it control you. You are letting its’ fingers grip your heart and tug at it in moments when the future presents you with such wonderful opportunities. You are allowing it to hold you back when something beautiful that looks a lot like lasting love comes along and wants to embrace you, all of you. You are letting it toy with your mind because every fibre inside you warns you about the last time something good happened and how it was wrenched away from your arms.
But if you let it keep controlling you this way, you are never going to find a future that is full of contentment and stability and happiness. You will carry it, like a rucksack of bricks on your back into every relationship, exhausting yourself and the one you love. I’m not saying you have to forgive your past and the people who did terrible things to you. I’m saying, for your own sake, for the sake of your future happiness, you have got to look away from it to start your journey forward.
Once you do, your life will change. It’s not going to be overnight. It’s definitely not going to be momentary. But one day, you will wake up and find the heaviness on your chest has been lifted. All because you have chosen to stop looking back.
And then there will come a day, you beautiful, brave soul, when you will tell someone you love deeply the truth about you, your whole tale, and not a half truth that you have had to give the world because you are so afraid of what people will say once they know what you have had to survive, what you have left behind you. The story you made up to be an acceptable member of society, the story you created to fit in. But one day, you will tell your truth and it will no longer bring tears to your eyes for your recovery has begun. Instead, you will tell it with the kind of strength that will bring tears to other people’s eyes.
So please, stop looking behind you, my darling. You aren’t going in that direction; you are going the opposite way.