Wanting Someone’s Affection Does Not Make You Needy

couple, sunset, happy couple, you are not needy for wanting someone's attention
Tyler Nix

There’s a difference between craving someone and obsessing over them, a difference between longing for attention and being desperate, a difference between desire and need.

We are human. Which means it’s in our nature to want connection, to crave relationships, to desire being with and around people who make us feel good. We are human. Which means when we love someone, we want them to pay attention to us. On some level we seek praise, attention, approval. We long to be both loved and understood.

But somewhere along the way, we’ve made these rules for our relationships. We’ve told each other that there’s a line and if you cross it, you’re flirting on the edge of ‘too much.’ We’ve cautioned ourselves to be careful, to not be too ‘needy’ – so much so, that now we’re scared to ever feel, or speak what’s on our mind.

There is a very clear difference between wanting to spend time with someone, and not letting them spend a minute alone. A very clear line between calling your lover on the weekend, and calling them twenty-five times.

Texting him first does not make you desperate. Asking her out on a second date after you both had a wonderful time does not mean you’re jumping in too fast. Telling that special person you care about them is not ‘clingy.’ And asking for someone’s respect and attention does not make you needy.

If someone cares about you, giving you affection and attention won’t be a chore.

I think sometimes we forget that simple fact—if someone values you, they will show it. They won’t play games, taking days to respond to your messages. They won’t ignore your phone calls just to call back later, pretending like nothing happened at all. They won’t send mixed signals, or treat you like a significant other and then ghost you out of the blue.

When it comes to someone who really sees himself/herself with you, someone who is genuine and interested in something real, you won’t feel clingy. Because that person’s just as much into you as you are into them.

So maybe you’ve been the girl who double-texts, the guy who leaves her morning messages. Maybe you’ve been told you’re ‘too much’ or that you should settle for less because you’re asking too much from someone too early on. Forget that. Life is too short to question yourself every damn minute of the day.

If you like someone, tell them. If you’re interested, pursue it. If you’re longing for someone’s affection, be clear about what you think and feel.

At the end of the day, you’ll only regret the lips you didn’t kiss, the chances you didn’t take, the hearts you didn’t allow yourself to intertwine with.

So stop apologizing for wanting someone’s attention, for being interested, for giving all you have. You won’t be needy for the right person because they’ll be right alongside you, sharing all they have.

You’re not needy for wanting a phone call, a text back, some sort of plan or commitment. You’re not needy for asking where you two stand or what your relationship means. You’re not needy for wanting the person you care about to be more present in your life.

And anyone who makes you feel otherwise is simply not the right one. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Marisa is a writer, poet, & editor. She is the author of Somewhere On A Highway, a poetry collection on self-discovery, growth, love, loss and the challenges of becoming.

Keep up with Marisa on Instagram, Twitter, Amazon and marisadonnelly.com

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