10 Tips For Flirting When You Don’t Feel So Confident

0) The most important aspect of flirting is having confidence. Otherwise, what’s the point? YOU ARE SO THE SHIT THO. And nobody likes a mousy, timid person who is too afraid to look at people in the eyes. As a not-so-super confident person myself I know it’s way easier to tell people to have confidence than it is to actually be confident. But you have to believe in your own uniqueness. There’s stuff about you that is so awesome and you should be THRILLED to share it with people you’re interested in. Go in!

1) Put a paper bag on your head and write “I will give u a BJ” on the front. Could be funny!

2) Never underestimate the power of an amazing outfit. Your personal style really brings out your personal story, your you. We always feel so great when we pop out of the shower and get all dressed up. If you see the lust of your loins around, in class or at the work place, approach them when you are looking your hottest. It will help you feel more confident.

3) Try a little body contact. I was always told that when you flirt with someone, don’t just laugh at their jokes, but touch them as often as possible. Not like inappropriately or anything like that, but you know…on the shoulder, on the arm. You just kind of…nudge them a little bit. It shows them you’re interested and it automatically makes them a little looser. Touching them helps get their guard down.

4) Whatever you do, do NOT do the “I’m-ignoring-you-totally-nope-I-don’t-even-see-you,” because they won’t have a clue that you do that out of nervousness/anxiety and they will actually think you HATE them. Why? Because they aren’t in your head — you are. So instead of avoiding them at all costs, paying them no attention as a result of your increased anxiety and horniness in their presence, find an excuse to look at them. Make that eye contact and don’t be afraid to smile. We are always checking people out, so don’t be afraid to let someone know non-verbally when you think they’re super hot.

5) Make jokes around them. I find that when I’m around people who I think are really hot, I’m doing whatever it takes to get them to laugh. Getting someone to laugh is sort of like touching their elbow or getting them to let down their guard in some way. If you can get them to laugh, you’ve reached something about them. If, that is, they aren’t just pretending you’re funny to be nice, which is the absolute worst.

6) And since you’re already talking to them, try to find your common interests. I know it sounds like “Duh, madison,” but seriously. Focus less on what you lack and more on what you have. What are some things you both like a lot? Find out what that is. Attraction isn’t just physical — it’s intellectual, too. And even if you aren’t feeling confident about your looks, you might feel awesome about knowing everything it is about your favorite thing. What if the object of your affection is into the same exact stuff as you? A miracle!

7) Remember that whoever you’re flirting with, no matter how perfectly sculpted his jaw appears or how full his hairline looks, he also gets major diarrhea sometimes! He gets pimples or picks his nose and eats it when no one is looking. That or he grabs stuff with his toes in private. These are all the things you don’t see now because you are still under the spell of attraction. Just remember that, above all else, he’s human, too.

8) Flirting happens one time or it can happen over the course of many social interactions. If it’s a quick flirt at the register of some dumb store, smile, compliment them, and try to make eye contact. But if you’re flirting with someone who you see regularly, or who you might even be friends with, listen to them. The next time you see them, give them some kind of token that shows you’re listening and are into them. Like maybe you two had a convo about how awesome Ring Pops were. Next time you see him, bring him a Ring Pop! But like…don’t drive around to every Costco in town just to find some fucking Ring Pops. But, you know, if you happen upon some, flash them his way. It’ll make him smile.

9) Realize that flirting is fun, even if it doesn’t amount to anything concrete. Everyone wants to feel sexy. That’s why flirting is always worth it, even if you never see the person again.

10) Finally — and most importantly — always remember that if you don’t flirt with your person right away, somebody else will gladly swoop in and flirt their ass off, and you will pout all the way home to a tub of Ben & Jerry’s. Flirting is sort of like a competition, a survival of the fittest. If you don’t act fast you’ll be starving — and crush-less! Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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Author of How To Be A Pop Star.

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