Lorenzo Jensen III

1. He tried to force me to wear a red wig.

Brandy—if you meet her, she’s either a redneck or was raised by rednecks. I live in a small town in Texas, 3000 people maybe, and I know at least 10 Brandys.

“I ate chunky peanut butter out of my uncle’s mouth for 20 bucks.”

4. “Bugs had started eating away at him.”

“I cannot stress enough the importance of avoiding girls who have daddy issues.”

7. Picking their nose.

25. Does frosting turn a muffin into a cupcake?

“The opening of the vagina is lower than expected.”

1.
She gave someone a blowjob for free Taco Bell.