1. Crippling loneliness.
“Either crippling loneliness or the expectation you will have to make the first move (and get ignored).”
2. You’re the loser in any physical altercation with a woman.
“Whenever my brother and I got into a fight as kids, it could only end one of two ways for him:
‘You got beat up by a girl? What’s the matter with you?’
‘You beat up a girl? What’s the matter with you?’”
3. Fear that being nice to children will have you labeled a pedophile.
“Balancing a genuine fondness for children against fear of being mistaken for a pedophile.”
4. Family courts are stacked against men.
“Family courts have pretty much decided that having a vagina automatically makes you a better, more capable parent.”
5. The double standard of abuse.
“The double standard of abuse. Women are more likely to get away with it with fewer repercussions.
I remember the Jeremy Kyle episode where he had to shame the audience because they were laughing at a guy’s domestic abuse story by a woman.”
6. The double standards in everything.
“The double standards. Men can’t emote without being called a sissy or wuss. Men who are sexually abused get brushed off as having regrets the next morning. Men who are falsely accused of sexual assault have their lives destroyed, even if proven innocent. Men are expected to be tough, but those who fight (even for good reason) are categorized as abusers and bullies. The list goes on…”
7. More cultural pressure to bottle up sadness.
“I know this doesn’t always apply, but in general there is more cultural pressure to bottle up sadness. There is for all adults but definitely more for men. In fact a lot of men show they’re hurting by being a dick and waiting for someone who cares to break down their walls. If no one does, they just become bitter.”
8. Having to shoulder the entire financial weight of their families.
“I feel bad for guys that have to shoulder the entire financial weight of their families. Like my husband, since we have small kids we agreed I’d stop working for a while. Although he earns good money and I’m pretty good at managing a budget, I do feel bad for him as he’s entirely responsible for keeping our family afloat.
He even comes home from work, cleans the kitchen, helps with any homework if he has time and puts them to bed before we settle down and fold laundry together while watching TV. He is one hell of a responsible human being.”
9. Not getting compliments.
“This by far isn’t the hardest part, but it has to be not so great: not getting compliments.
I’ve learned recently that men don’t receive compliments terribly often, from either men or women. They don’t get them from men because guys don’t want to be mistaken for being gay, and don’t get them from women because the women don’t want to be mistaken for flirting.
I’ve received compliments my entire life, from my parents, from boyfriends, from colleagues, from random people on the street who want to say something nice to me. And as someone who noticed that all of those compliments dried up when I became overweight and then came back when I lost said weight, it was a part of life that I missed and then enjoyed when it returned.
I am now on a one-woman mission to compliment men as often as possible. I don’t even care if they mistake it as me coming on to them; I’ll deal with that fallout when it happens.”
10. Not having a supportive group of friends, especially when it comes to body image.
“I think the worst part would be not having a supportive group of friends, especially when it comes to body image. As a woman, you can say ‘I feel ugly today’ and whether you look good or not, you’ll have several friends (if you have them) saying that you should always love yourself and your body. Whereas for men, it’s seen as gay or feminine to compliment each other. That sounds like it sucks.”
11. Lack of nonsexual affection.
“Lack of nonsexual affection.
I remember reading a post a little while ago that said that unless they do contact sports, there’s a very real possibility that a guy’s only physical contact will be with his sexual/romantic partner—and that just made me sad. From what I’ve experienced, guys just don’t hug it out when they feel sad, even though most guys I’ve been with would freely admit that they appreciate the contact when they’re having a bad day. The weird thing is, it didn’t always used to be this way: men touching each other in an entirely platonic way was relatively common, historically speaking. Men telling each other they loved each other was everywhere, often in terms that would seem romantic today. Women do that shit all the time, and I think it definitely changes how you look at the world. That physicality and ability to express your feelings makes getting through the rough patches that much easier. It’s a crutch that a lot of men just don’t have access to.
The other thing is, I think it makes it harder to be friends with women, too: If the only contact you have is romantic/sexual in nature, it’s easy to conclude that all contact is romantic/sexual in nature, and so it’s very easy to misread platonic signals and think you’re being led on.
Bro-hug it out, guys. Tell your buddies you love them without appending it with ‘no homo.’ It’s a good feeling.”
12. Not having a clear idea of what it is to be a man anymore.
“Not having a clear idea of what it is to be a man anymore.
Bear with me here.
In the ‘olden days’ (say 50s and 60s) men and women had clearly defined roles for pretty much everything. It was easy to understand. It might not have been the best, but everyone knew where they stood, what was expected, and how to act.
Nowadays what does it mean to be a man?
A lot of the old ‘manly’ traits are no longer cool or expected but haven’t been replaced with anything. Also the shift in social behaviors but not always expectations leaves men feeling like they don’t know how to act or what they’re supposed to do.
e.g., Men are no longer expected to be stoic and non-communicative. But it’s still ‘wrong’ or ‘weak’ to express sadness except immediately after the death of a friend or relative.
Men are ‘allowed’ to be interested in more than sports but are still expected to be good at them or face mockery.
And dear God don’t get me started on how bad I feel for guys about dating.
Be persistent! Respect her ‘no’! Pay for dinner but don’t expect sex!
And a guy trying to figure out what a modern woman wants is difficult.
I want a partner that’s my equal that takes care of me is accurate and conflicting.”
13. All it takes is one crazy, looney tune chick to completely destroy a man’s life.
“With all the rape allegations that seem to be going around, I am terrified on men’s behalf. All it takes is one crazy, looney tune chick to completely destroy a man’s life. Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty? I worry for the good-hearted, hard-working men in my life; I worry they will one day upset a female client or colleague and they’ll lie and say they did something they didn’t do, and they’ll get fired, divorced, prosecuted, shunned from society, etc.”
14. Penis size/sexual performance.
“Penis size/sexual performance. It seems men are under so much more pressure than women to perform well in bed. We expect them to use their hands, mouths, and dicks just right and be great at it every time, or they aren’t ‘manly’ (I’ll admit it—I’m guilty of this). Also, I can’t imagine the pressure and anxiety regarding penis size. I mean, as long as a woman has a wet hole, he’s probably going to like it—most vaginas are pretty similar and aren’t judged that harshly (to my knowledge). But for men, so much hinges on what they were born with between the legs.
Also, it’s always their job to go check out the scary bump in the night, and then take care of it, whether it be a ghost or murderer. I damn sure wouldn’t want that responsibility.”
15. Having women fear you because of your gender and size.
“My brother is a pretty big dude: 6 ft, 230, fit. We were out one night, walking back to the parking garage. He was about 20 yards ahead of me and I notice him wait to cross the street until the parking garage was directly across from him. I thought that was odd and asked him why he did that and he said that he noticed a girl walking alone on the other side of the street and he didn’t want to scare her by crossing the street towards her and walking behind her.
I think that would suck. Knowing you’re a good dude who would never hurt anyone and still have women fear you because of your gender and size.”
16. Being represented as the less intelligent gender in media/television (i.e., sitcoms), especially if the guy is married and or has kids.
“Being represented as the less intelligent gender in media/television (i.e., sitcoms), especially if the guy is married and or has kids. It honestly makes me mad. My husband is as capable, loving, and intelligent as I am. Sometimes he knows more than me—and vice versa—we complement each other. I’m so tired of this unfair characterization of men.”
17. Having your opinions shot down because you’re a straight white male.
“My boyfriend is white, straight, young, male. I sometimes feel really bad for him when people act as if his opinion isn’t valid, or his feelings aren’t being taken seriously, only because he’s a white straight male.”
18. Men get a lot less attention than women do.
“You kind of have to take it on a case-by-case basis, but generally speaking, men get a lot less attention than women do. For some guys this is a great thing, but for other guys it’s terrible. For me, I’ve dealt with a lot of anxiety, fear, and depression for most of my life and it has really crippled every area of my life where I could potentially be successful. I don’t mean to come across as a bitter asshole, but I know that if I were a girl that I would have a reliable support group of friends and family to help me get through my struggles. Instead, because I’m a guy, society just kind of expects me to find a way to overcome my problems by myself and if I don’t then I’m useless.”
19. In my country, if a man is the victim of an abusive relationship, he is in a world of hell.
“In my country, if a man is the victim of an abusive relationship, he is in a world of hell.
If a domestic dispute ends in a police intervention, men are always either taken into custody or asked to leave the scene. This is the protocol whether or not the man is the perpetrator or victim. If a man tries to reach about being in an abusive relationship, he is often not taken seriously. Male rape victims are virtually laughed at by police while lady rapists get away with lighter sentences. If a man tries to divorce his abusive wife, she will almost always get custody of the children even if evidence of violent behavior is provided in court. Also, my country has no male-only domestic abuse shelters.
I live in the US.”
20. The simple stigma of being a man.
“Currently, the simple stigma of being man. A woman can be mad at you and call rape, and it would result in you losing your job. By simply being a man, because men have ‘opposed women for so long,’ what you say is apparently no longer relevant.
I know this is mostly in the eyes of modern feminists, but it’s still something men have to deal with and I find it repulsive.
As well as the fact that men are rarely taken seriously when it comes to abuse or assault. No one takes it seriously if a man says he was raped or harassed/assaulted. If a man says he’s a victim of domestic abuse, he’s laughed at. This makes me so furious.”