1. ACCIDENTALLY SITTING ON YOUR BALLS

“Sitting on your balls when you get in the car too quickly. And trying to pull off the discrete sidestep in public.”

2. SEXUAL INSATIABILITY

“The constant continuous part of the brain that never stops looking for sex. I guess after an orgasm there’s about a 5-15 minute calm if you’re lucky then it comes back like nothing happened.”

3. EXTREME TESTICULAR PAIN

“Being hit in the testicles is a truly unique experience. It’s pain but not as you know it. And not even necessarily worse…like toothache or migraines can hurt more. But it’s not the same. It’s like if there was just suddenly a new primary color and you see it for the first time and its existence just blows you away. You never think about vision in the same way again. That’s what being hit in the balls is to pain.”

4. TWISTED TESTES

“Getting your testicles in a twist. I’m in constant fear for torsion.”

5. DICK HITTING THE TOILET BOWL

“Dick hitting the toilet bowl while pooping.”

6. MORNING WOOD

“Morning wood, either we have to pee, or we are really horny, most the time it’s both.”

7. THE PANTS TENT

“Every dude knows that the crease in your pants is not a boner but the way it sits; most girls think it’s the former.”

8. STICKY SUPER GLUE SHOWER SEMEN

“Sticky semen after masturbating in a hot shower. By sticky I mean that really sticky thing like Super Glue.”

9. TRYING TO PEE WITH AN ERECTION

“Boner + Peeing = Bad Time”

10. PEEING WHILE POOPING

“When you’re taking a shit and you go to pee and you don’t hold your dick down. Then the stream finds that sweet spot between the top of the toilet bowl and the bottom of the toilet seat and it kinda spurts out in front of you then kinda dribbles down the side of the toilet and collects in a puddle on the linoleum floor.”

11. THE LAST DROP ALWAYS ENDS UP IN YOUR PANTS

“No matter how much you wiggle and dance, the last drop always ends up in your pants.”

12. ADHESIVE TESTICLES

“Getting your balls stuck to your thigh on a hot day.”

13. JIZZING TOO HARD

“When you jizz so hard, you’ve got this uncomfortable “it feels like I’ve got to pee” feeling for the rest of the night.”

14. POST-ORGASMIC NIHILISM

“When you jerk your morning wood and it wasn’t even worth the hassle. The universe’s way of telling you your day will be shit.”

15. GROWER, NOT A SHOWER

“Being a grower, not a shower.”