1. The beach.

“Remember that Seinfeld episode where Kramer wanted to market a perfume that smells like the beach? Well, scientists could take tissue samples from my girlfriend’s vagina in order to develop that perfume. It’s a very pleasant mixture of sand and salt and seaweed and just a tiny whiff of marine life. I’m making it sound worse than it is, because I love the beach.”

—Matthew, 24

2. STRAWBERRY ICE CREAM.

And I lap it up until it’s running down my chin!

—Zak, 26

3. Ham.

“She tastes like sliced ham on Thanksgiving. I mean, exactly like sliced ham on Thanksgiving. It’s almost like she steals a slice of ham every Thanksgiving and tucks it up inside her just to maintain the taste. From time to time, I can even catch a taste of pineapple and cloves in there.”

—Michael, 27

4. Raisins and wine.

“Some guys don’t like to go down on women, and trust me, there’ve been a few in my past whose hygiene habits made it an extremely unrewarding experience, but my current girlfriend tastes so good, she’d be a billionaire if she could bottle the taste. Imagine someone took a bottle of the sweetest, richest red wine, tossed a couple dozen juicy raisins into it, sealed it, and let it ferment in a dusty, cobwebby French attic for a couple generations. That’s what she tastes like. Mmm-mmm-good!”

—Christopher, 21

5. Puppy breath.

“She tastes like when a puppy is kissing you. Best taste in the world.”

—Jimmy, 27

6. Shit.

“Gonna use a fake name here because she’d probably shoot me in the head if she heard me saying this, but I don’t think my girlfriend had the best toilet training, OK? She’s beautiful and has a body like a race car, but I don’t think anyone told her how to wipe herself. Or maybe they told her to wipe from back to front. There’s this overwhelming stench of dookie down there like a brown cloud. I’d seriously rather take out the trash than ever perform oral sex on her again.”

—Josh, 32

7. My forearm.

“I just licked my forearm, and yep—this is exactly what my girlfriend’s pussy tastes like. It’s like skin with a little bit of sweat. Nothing to write home about, but nothing to complain about, either.”

—Drew, 20

8. It depends on her cycle.

“Usually she’s just a tad salty and musky, but if she’s on her period, there’s this whole added dimension of raw liver which ain’t exactly a turn-on. I hate eating liver. I’d give a kidney just to never have to eat liver again.”

—Matthew, 24

9. Shrimp dripping in warm butter.

“I know there’s the whole cliché about pussy tasting like ‘hot tuna’ or just seafood in general, but in my girl’s case I’ve narrowed it down very specifically to the delectable oceanic crustacean known to us as the humble shrimp dripping in warm butter. My beloved tastes like a big plate of shrimp, and that’s all right with me!”

—Justin, 26

10. Garbage.

“I know that sounds really harsh, so let me explain, because it’s a specific kind of garbage. You know how a paper bag sitting in your kitchen wastebasket filled with coffee grounds and orange peels smells on a hot & humid summer morning? Well, my girlfriend’s cookie tastes like what I imagine that specific kind of garbage would taste like. Coffee grounds and orange peels fermenting in a soggy paper bag. It’s not even unpleasant—but very specific.”

—David, 26

11. Fish—but good fish.

“I’ve never been able to figure this out, because the smell of fish is about the least erotic scent on the planet—except when it’s billowing out of a vagina. Maybe there are some super-secret pheromones that make it not only palatable but highly edible, but licking my girlfriend is like French-kissing the tastiest fish on earth. And I don’t even like seafood. Not usually, anyway.”

—Jonathan, 25

12. Tangerines.

“She’s got this weird citrus thing going on down there, and I’ve never tasted it in another girl, and believe you me, I’ve tasted a whole Baskin-Robbins array of girls. But there’s this tangy tangerine taste that she has that always has me coming back for seconds.”

—Erik, 22

13. Nothing.

“She tastes like nothing. Or like water. Or air. There’s really no taste at all. She’s a full-blown germophobe and neat freak, so maybe she washes it to the point of sterility. I’m not complaining, because it could be a lot worse than ‘nothing.’”

—Ben, 28