This is what it means to truly move on.
It’s not bitter resentment that lingers on your mouth that tastes like blood as you bit your lips too hard from saying what you think you shouldn’t say. It’s not the fierce pounding voice that proclaims your undying hatred towards him as you swore you would never forgive or forget for all of eternity. It’s not digging your fingers into hot coal and feeling grim satisfaction at the thought of setting him on fire.
Moving on is accepting his importance to you, instead of trying desperately to downplay the role he played in your life. It is being able to see the big picture that you and he are better off apart however much it pained you.
It’s not the awful willingness to leap into the blazing fire if it meant never seeing him again. It’s not the closure you desperately seek to give you the answer you need to move on. It’s not the tearful goodbye that you dread, feeling the devastation that will shake you to your very core. It’s not the strong conviction that you will never find another like him. It’s not the bleak realization that you’ve lost the best thing that happens to you.
Moving on is quiet and you feel a sense of relief at closing this chapter of your life. While the future may seem uncertain, you’re looking forward to what it holds for you.
It’s meeting his eyes and instead of all the usual butterflies that filled your stomach and the heaviness that weighted you down, you feel lightweight as you release your burdens like balloons into the sky. It’s seeing the doe-eyed innocent look he gave you and no longer scrambling around to please his every demand and need. It’s remembering all the good memories and understanding they happen for a reason- one that doesn’t matter anymore.
It’s waking up everyday knowing that you did the right thing by walking away.
It’s seeing him and for the first time, you have nothing to say. It’s looking at him and truly seeing him for who he is, and wondering what it was about him that made you so obsessed. It’s removing your rose-tinted glasses and realizing that he’s not as good as you thought he was. It’s feeling your heart has been squeezed out of every emotion no longer caught up in him.
It’s coming into a quiet realization that you’re fighting a futile fight and you don’t want to try anymore. It’s the acceptance that you have to let this person go to be happy. It’s coming to terms with the past and knowing that you have to put it behind you for your own good.
It’s waking up after a nightmare and finally feeling clear-minded. It’s finding your way after wandering and feeling lost for a long time. It’s being comfortable in your own skin after feeling like a stranger in your body for so long.
It’s the contentment that things are finally starting to fall into the right place.
It’s finally seeing the rainbow after the storm. It’s stepping into the sunshine after being shrouded in darkness that consumed you. It’s seeing this ending as a new beginning that you deserve. It’s finally being able to live your own life, without him in it.
Moving on takes time and at first, you may find it unthinkable and impossible but do not lose faith. The day you truly let go is the day you are willing to forgive him for all that he had done to you.
And for once, you are seeing your new life. One without him in it.