What Ghosting Really Is, Because It’s Not Just ‘Ignoring’ Someone

Girl has been ghosted
God & Man

Let’s talk about ghosting, shall we? In short — it’s infuriating, insulting, cowardly, and makes anybody feel like complete shit. I can’t even name all of the people who have ghosted me, because it’s SO MANY.

From boys in college, to dudes I have met on Tinder, to even men I went on dates with, it’s all the same kind of torture.

I thought it would stop after college. I truly thought that it would get better in my post grad life, that dating would be easier and less transparent. I thought people would grow up. Unfortunately, I’ve come to the conclusion that everyone 23 and up thinks they live in Neverland.

But life is not a disney story. And even Peter Pan had to watch Wendy grow up. We all have to move on from childhood to adulthood one day. And with that, comes having the courage to tell someone, ‘Hey I’m sorry, but I’m just not that into you’.

It’s simple, really. It’s so much more cordial than cutting someone out of your life completely. It’s so much more gentler than not responding ever again. It’s called being a decent human being. It’s called being a good person, even if it hurts the other person on the other end.

The truth is easier than anything left unsaid. And ghosting is the most selfish thing you could ever do to someone. Not only is it selfish, it’s straight up disgusting.

I talked to this guy on Tinder for three weeks. And sure, you can scoff at the word Tinder and say it doesn’t mean anything, but for me, the connection meant something. He asked me questions about my life, about my career, about my sister and my friends. We talked until the wee hours of the night. And every day after that.

For me, I don’t like to get my hopes up about dating because it’s been a rough couple of years. Usually, there’s no connection at all, or it’s unrequited. But of all the scenarios I played around with in my head and of all the things I thought would happen, I was NOT prepared for him to ghost me.

But he did. Because he could. Because he didn’t have the courage to tell me how he felt. Maybe he got scared. Maybe he moved to Spain.  I really don’t care what the reasoning was, it’s just the fact that he did it.

The day before our date, I bought his favorite kind of beer and a pint of our favorite ice cream. I was excited to finally see him in person, and paced around my room like a little kid about to go to disney world.

He never showed up.

I played it cool asking if he was ok and if he wanted to reschedule. A week later I snap-chatted him, asking again if he was okay. Then I saw that he was active on Instagram. And I knew right then and there that I had been ghosted. AGAIN. By someone I was really starting to like.

Seriously guys, tell us if you aren’t into us. Tell us if you aren’t ready to date. Tell us whatever the hell your excuse is. Because the only thing worse than saying, ‘I don’t feel the same way’, is saying nothing at all.

So no, ghosting isn’t just ignoring someone. It’s playing a dirty game. It’s an insult. It’s a cowardly thing to do. And it’s really, really not fun to be on the receiving end of the ‘ghoster’. So please, grow some balls, and tell us how you really feel. TC mark

Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

For more poetry and writing follow me on Instagram!

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You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

“It’s just wondrous how every time I go through some emotional trauma, your posts are so relatable and it gives me so much hope. I love the writing and the photos. It’s all a pleasure to read. I can’t thank you enough for it, really.” — DM from @ThoughtCatalog Instagram follower

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