When You Stop Letting Your Trauma Define You, You’ll Heal

If you look at trauma or the person who inflicted pain upon you through lenses with empathy and understanding, that is the gateway to healing. If you look at someone who has hurt you or tried to, you’ll see someone who is hurting all the same. Hurt people, hurt people. If feelings still arise of resentment and anger towards these people, you haven’t found it in your heart to forgive them. That is okay because these things take time. But as long as that is what you feel, you’ll never fully heal yourself.

 You didn’t deserve what happened to you. You are not to blame even if someone said that. Those people didn’t know how to heal themselves, so the cycle continued trying to hurt another person like pain is something they could pass along, reassign and dismiss that easy. But that cycle ends at you. 

You don’t deserve to be a prisoner of your own sentencing because of how someone tried to make you feel.

While you can’t control what happened to you, you do have the ability to choose where you go from there. 

Will your story be one that keeps repeating the same sad monologue? Or will you find it within yourself to get to an ending where you become the person you deserve to be leading your best life?

That is someone who can overcome pain and trauma with the knowledge you never deserved it in the first place. It’s in realizing that every person has gone through something difficult, traumatic & painful in their lives but that isn’t an excuse to treat people badly. It’s in realizing that anything someone tries to project your way isn’t your burden to bear or something to own.

If you want to heal from the people who have caused you pain, you must realize they are only human. And being human will come with mistakes. And mistakes of others need to be met with forgiveness. Because it is in forgiveness, you will learn to heal yourself. 

Realize no matter how someone may act, treat you, hurt you or do whatever it is they have done; you make a choice every day to lead the type of life you deserve when you don’t allow their actions to control you. You have always been in control, but healing comes in time, and I hope you realize that continuing to choose pain and revisit a past full of trauma can stop now. It will stop now because you have always deserved better. 

About the author
Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words. Follow Kirsten on Instagram or read more articles from Kirsten on Thought Catalog.

Learn more about Thought Catalog and our writers on our about page.

Related