When you finally meet a good guy after a series of relationships that made you question everyone at first, you’re skeptical.
You wonder about motives or hidden agendas.
You think it’s too good to be true because most the time in the past, it was.
You check yourself. You remind yourself not to get your hopes up because every time someone in the past disappointed you.
In learning to trust yourself more and trust your instincts, you put up higher walls not making it so easy for the next person. You grew painfully guarded to protect yourself because sadly you learned you had to.
So when you meet a good guy, you’re unsure.
You’re hoping for the best but expecting the absolute worst because in the past every worst-case scenario became this crippling reality.
You think everyone is like that. You think everyone is out to screw you over or just screw you. You learn to never trust what they say.
You learn they would tell you anything to get what they want. And after get it, they leave.
In dating people that use you, you learn the awful lesson that someone only wants you for what you can offer them rather than who you are as a person.
This is a toxic lesson, we replay on repeat in our mind shockingly attracts more people like the very ones who hurt us. So we end up running in these circles.
So when you meet a good guy, it completely throws you off.
And with that, you begin to question not just everyone but you question yourself also.
You anticipate canceled plans you know won’t be rescheduled.
You stare at your phone waiting for the other shoe to drop, reading rejection text you could have written better than they did because you’ve heard it all before.
You know every line and every excuse.
You know how to respond to everything at this point and you’ve mastered not even flinching when something goes wrong.
You try not to let it get to you but when you’re the only common factor in these relationships you do begin to question yourself as if it’s something you’re causing.
You carefully tiptoe over words trying to not say too much out of fear of saying the wrong thing.
You do your best to not try too hard or come on too strong because maybe that’s what you did wrong in the past.
You analyze everything about yourself failing to realize it was them and not you that was the problem.
So when you meet someone new, you know odds are stacked against you. But at the same time, there is this little bit of hope that maybe this time it’ll be different.
Good guys have it a little tougher. While you can’t blame anyone new for your past, it’s your past that has made you question everyone in your present.
Good guys have this challenge they didn’t ask for, reprogramming what you expect out of dating.
And in return you’re doubtful.
They text you back quickly. They keep the plans you made. They tell you they care about you and there aren’t strings attached to it or any obligations.
You wonder how is that possible? You push them away and they just pull you closer. You open up to them and they don’t cringe about the details you’re telling them.
Good guys accept your past wanting to change your future.
And there is something about that unfamiliarity that is both sad and heartbreaking.
There is no hidden agenda or objective. They reach for the bill and pay, hold open your doors, take you home and the night ends at goodnight not have a good day the next morning.
While you might expect the worst of people at first, all it takes is one person to change. And they begin to.
One person who sees your worth and value. One person who sees you as who you are not what you can do for them. One person who doesn’t put the pieces of your broken heart back together but they give you a piece of theirs to replace what you’ve lost.
They replace the doubt that plagues you with confidence.
They replace questioning you with questioning the people you should have in the past.
And it is through their good grace and manners and kindness that you begin to heal again.
It is because of them you learn for the first time, relationships aren’t supposed to hurt.