The Difference Between Being Alone And Choosing To Be Single

God & Man

When you’re single the first thing people think is why? Maybe they say it to your face. Maybe if they ask have you tried dating or are you on any apps?

We almost look down on someone who is alone. Make these rapid assumptions, no one wants them, they is something wrong with them, they must be crazy or intolerable to be with or clingy.

We don’t look at someone who is single with the admiration it deserves because there is this idea that is sold to us through the media and advertisements that to achieve happiness comes in the form of some relationship label attached to it.

Like it’s impossible to be happy alone. Like you should always be looking.

And it’s true, love and relationships and dating can make you happier. But they make you happier when it’s the right relationship.

So many people buy into this idea that it’s better to be with someone than to be alone. So we find ourselves settling in these average relationships where these people aren’t our potential soulmates but rather someone to just kill time with.

It’s better to choose to be single than be in a relationship where you are emotionally disconnected to this person and you feel like you’re alone.

To be alone is to be in a relationship that isn’t pushing you to become better.

To be alone is choosing to be with someone just because.

To be alone is choosing someone and it just doesn’t feel right.

To be alone is standing next to someone who feels like a stranger.

That’s being alone. Even if you’re in a relationship.

Why is it so looked down upon when someone says they are happy being single? Why do we not believe them when they say it? Why is our first reaction, “I’d love to introduce you to someone you might like?”

The concept of choosing to be single seems foreign to people. When there are so many apps and such easy ways to date, the person who doesn’t want to or doesn’t engage in what dating today is, is looked at different.

The person who says they are too busy for a relationship and are focusing on other bigger and more important things in their life, people think is lying.

And when they tell you they are happy and not looking for anything right now, we ask why?

When someone chooses to be single and doesn’t put an effort to go out and date there could be a number of reasons we don’t even take into consideration.

Maybe their last relationship ended so badly, they truly need time for themselves.

Maybe they’d rather be alone than settling like their friends have. When watched how unhappy some of them are.

Maybe they are still in love with someone else and it wouldn’t be fair until they get over it.

Maybe they really are busy and care more about their job and their friends right now than they ever could another person.

Maybe they aren’t ready to commit to one person and are fine with casual relationships.

Maybe they’ve tried before and didn’t have luck so instead of investing time and emotions into trying to make something work, maybe they are just waiting for it to happen for them.

Maybe they aren’t as worried as you are about their relationship status.

Actively pursuing a relationship when you aren’t ready for one is what will make you feel single.

There is a difference between being alone and choosing to be single.

We all have one or two people we know would date us if we pursued it. And if we went for it none of us would be single but we’d be in relationships where we are with that person not because we care and our heart is all in but rather because we felt the pressure building up that it’s not okay to be single.

Settling is what will lead to you being alone.

I’m a hopeless romantic. I value love and relationships more than anyone and it does make you happier. But that’s only when it’s the right relationship one that knocks you off your feet.

Don’t just be with someone because you can. Wait for the one you can’t live without.

When you are choosing to be single you are choosing to not settle or lower your standards you. You are waiting for what you deserve. You aren’t too worried about it.

It’s about meeting someone who makes you not want to be single anymore. It’s about having a million things to do and places to be but you meet the right person and you somehow fit them into it and make it work. It’s that moment where you can come up with an excuse but you don’t want to anymore. That’s the difference.

When you choose to be single you’re giving yourself time to heal from the past.

When you choose to be single you’re choosing self respect.

When you choose to be single you are learning what it’s like to put yourself first and learning what makes you happy.

When you choose to be single you aren’t letting other’s influence you.

When you are choosing to be single you are realizing a relationship isn’t as important as everyone thinks it is.

When you are choosing to be single you’re learning to be happy alone before you can share that with someone else.

Because if you don’t learn those things first that’s when you end up in those relationships that make you feel like you’re alone.

When you are making the best choices for you, even if that choice is to not have a relationship right now, you’ll never feel alone because you won’t feel like you’re missing something you don’t need at the moment.

Don’t allow anyone to make you feel guilty for that. TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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