15 Honest Reasons Why You’re Still Probably Single

Single
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1. You aren’t over your ex yet.

It’s okay to still be hurting. When someone breaks your heart it isn’t just them you don’t trust anymore, along with every other person of that same sex, you don’t trust yourself either. Give yourself time to heal but don’t dwell on it.

2. You’re hanging onto an almost relationship.

You are still in love with someone who doesn’t give a shit about you. You still text them every day. You still hook up with them. You might have accepted the relationship for what it is but part of you still hopes you can change their mind. They’ve become a habit you can’t break.

3. You aren’t taking care of yourself.

It’s not just physically. But mentally and emotionally. When someone takes care of themselves it shows. It shows in their confidence. It shows in the choices they make. It shows the relationship they have with themselves. To have good relationships in your life starts with you.

4. You aren’t ready to date again.

It’s okay to just straight up stop dating. This allows you to really rebuild the relationship you have with yourself. But there is a difference between not being ready to date and fearing it.

5. You don’t want to date.

Some people just don’t want to and that’s okay. But don’t get butthurt when all your friends are in relationships and you’re alone looking for anyone to go home with.

6. You are dwelling in a past love story.

You haven’t moved on from a relationship that’s long over. You let the ghosts haunt you and you recreate a narrative that isn’t even true anymore which no real person can compete with.

7. You aren’t making an effort to date.

You aren’t going on dates. You refuse to give up a Friday drinking with your friends when you could possibly meet the love of your life. Or maybe you are home alone on some dating app swiping out of boredom but not pursuing anyone or anything.

8. You’re happy alone.

Not everyone needs a relationship to be happy and THAT IS OKAY.

9. You run from love.

The moment someone shows interest in you, you make up an excuse as to why it won’t work out or you can’t do this. You find some flaw in them you can’t live with. You might have fallen in love once or twice before but getting hurt made you fear it entirely.

10. You aren’t being honest about what you really want.

If you want a relationship, say that’s what you are looking for. We are in a generation where caring and commitment isn’t cool, so we say a casual relationship is fine then we get it and we grow emotionally attached only to get hurt. Ask for what you want and if someone can’t give that to you walk away.

11. Your standards are unrealistic.

You’ve created this perfect person in your mind. But the truth is there is no perfect person. There are only people full of flaws until you fall in love with them then you realize they are perfect for you. When you judge someone too harshly at the start, it ruins any chance of it going anywhere.

12. You fear rejection.

You won’t go up to that person you’ve been eyeing all night and make a move. You miss chances of anything good happening by standing in your own way. Everyone hates being turned down but you aren’t even in the game if you are refusing to even try to play.

13. You haven’t learned to love yourself.

The first person you have to learn to love before you can love anyone else is yourself. If you can’t look at yourself in the mirror and find something good looking back at you, there isn’t anyone who can love you hard enough to change that. It isn’t someone’s responsibility to teach you how to love yourself.

14. Your mindset is off.

You look at couples walking by and you’re overcome with jealousy instead of being happy for them. You look out at the world and to you, it seems everyone is in a relationship because couples are what you are choosing to see. You are negative and might laugh it off dating and how much you hate it. Train yourself to start seeing and saying things differently.

15. You are choosing the wrong people.

You keep going for the same type of person that hurt you. You look past every warning sign and every friend telling you not to then you get hurt and you wonder what you are doing wrong. Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results.

Being single isn’t a bad thing. But sometimes our relationship status has nothing to do with the dating culture we are in but rather the choices you make in your own life that reflect what you do and and don’t have, it reflects the things we do and don’t want. Sometimes you’re single and it’s completely your fault. But that’s okay because you can change it. TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

Stop searching for happiness in the same place you lost it. Change is not dismantling the old, it’s building the new.

“The main thing socially intelligent people understand is that your relationship to everyone else is an extension of your relationship to yourself.” — Brianna Wiest

“The things you love about others are the things you love about yourself. The things you hate about others are the things you cannot see in yourself.” — Brianna Wiest

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