Kim Quindlen

“I got a job at one of the top consumer goods companies in the country, did it for five years, and then left to get my MFA in screenwriting when I realized I spent every free minute watching movies and reading about how they’re made. And I’m in school now and I’ve never been happier and who knows if it will work out… but I’ll find out either way eventually, and I’ll never have to wonder.”

Accept the fact that not everyone is going to like you. Part of being in adulthood means being surrounded by all sorts of different personality types. If you like someone and they like you back, great. If they don’t, continue to treat them with respect and then don’t waste another minute worrying about them.

You can’t fully commit to loving another person wholeheartedly until you understand how to love yourself.

Sometimes, on certain days, loneliness sucks more than usual and is particularly crushing. It’s okay to be frustrated, irritated, and sick of feeling like everyone else has found their person except you. Don’t feel the need to ‘fake it until you make it’ or pretend you’re okay. Just give yourself time to breathe, call up that family member or friend who just listens and doesn’t try to solve anything, and remember that no matter how single you feel, you aren’t alone.

Feel unconcerned about your lackluster job or your repetitive days or the fact that you’re not trying in any way whatsoever; feel unconcerned because you’re convinced that somehow it will all change one day, even though you’re currently doing nothing to get yourself on that track or to inch closer to these dreams and these aspirations right now.

My love for you comes in quite ordinary moments. Sitting at a group dinner and feeling that I have a lot to learn from you and my other soulmates, that I have the freedom to share things without worrying about judgement, that I could practically guess what every one of you was going to order, because our bonds range from sharing our deepest humiliations all the way down to what we like more between macaroni and cheese or hot wings.

1. Turn the lights down, put on fuzzy socks, and make yourself a cup of hot tea.

There is not a single person out there that is perfect for you in every way, a person who will give you chills every second of the day, a person who will make you feel like your heart is about to explode every moment that you are with them.

I will help you advance your story, but not as a bubbly, starry-eyed, and girlish ray of light that serves as a foil for your tortured soul. I will help you advance your story as your partner, your best friend, the warm comfort you turn to at the end of a long day.

“Not giving a shit about what other people think” doesn’t mean writing them off as insignificant or foolish. It means acknowledging that everyone has a right to their opinion, but that you will keep going after what you want, regardless of what anybody else has to say.

Remember that time I was texting my friend and complaining about my coworker but then I accidentally sent the text to my coworker? Let’s reflect on that ordeal and how awkward it was for the next forty minutes instead of sleeping.

Be with the person who makes your heart feel like it could burst, the one who gives you goosebumps and makes the hair stand up at the back of your neck, because the way that they say “I love you” sounds more lovely coming from their lips than it has from any other person who has ever said it to you in your life.

The belief that being a good friend means remaining friends with someone, “no matter what.”

The day after I graduated from Miami University, my mom and I stuffed all my belongings into my car and she helped me move to my new apartment in Cincinnati. I started work the very next day.

Taking a nap during a rainstorm.

Focus on being completely present when you’re having a conversation with another person. You’re going to fail at it a million times, you’re going to be distracted a million times. But the harder you work at it, the better you’ll get at listening genuinely and authentically to others.

Be thankful that happiness, self-discovery, and fulfillment are needs that you can focus on, because your immediate ones (food, shelter, clothing, health) are already taken care of.

We often convince ourselves that in order to figure out who we are, in order to find ourselves, we have to do something drastic. But that’s never the case.