1. Realizing that your driver’s license expired seven months ago and you never noticed, because Uber.
2. Thinking of construction as basically just white noise.
3. Commuting to work and seeing at least one drunk person, one screaming person, and one creep trying to flash you his penis on every trip.
4. Being completely unfazed by unpredictable weather, and mentally preparing yourself to either suck it up and walk to public transportation, or grab a taxi, because there is a 150% chance that Uber will be surging 3.5X the normal fare and you’re not about that life.
5. Grocery shopping in a venue where there are fourteen people smushed on top of each other at once, trying to grab some kale for their vegan chili.
6. Morphing into a curmudgeonly old man every time there’s a concert or sporting event near your work or residence, because it means you have to maneuver around slow-moving, confused-looking tourists any time you want to go anywhere.
7. Having to tell someone that, no, you don’t know their cousin Mike Jones, because lots of other people live in this city in addition to you and Mike.
8. Taking forever to finalize group plans, because everyone has an opinion on where to go for dinner, and everyone is convinced that their restaurant is the best option. “You guys, seriously, it’s super chill and barely anyone knows about it yet, but it already has 900 reviews on Yelp.”
9. Seeing a gas station in a movie or on tv and thinking, “Oh yeah, those are a thing.”
10. Bookmarking webpages that list free museum or aquarium days, and then not going because you got drunk at home and forgot.
11. Having more apps on your phone for ordering food than you do for social media.
12. Knowing the exact, most direct route to a tourist spot that someone asks you about, or having absolutely no idea – because it’s always one or the other.
13. Making your younger sibling drive you around when you’re home for the holidays, because cars are scary and you forgot how to be a person.
14. “How much is parking here?” “Not a clue don’t drive.”
15. Forgetting that lines don’t exist in some places, and getting suspicious when you’re home at Christmas and you can walk right up to the teller at the bank without waiting for ten minutes first.
16. Planning for a day of buying furniture to be an all-day endeavor, because you have to find someone with a car, you have to get to the suburbs, if you aren’t going to have it delivered the “car” has to be a “truck,” and then you have to make sure it will fit in the elevator to your building or you’ll end up like this:
17. Constantly hearing about and seeing advertisements for weird fitness classes: aerial yoga, stiletto cardio (exactly what it sounds like), circus workout, aqua cycling, and punk rock aerobics.
18. Embracing the fact that Seamless is your new drive-thru.