Inspired by true events.
1. On the floor of your bathroom. Probably in the dark, phone next to you with an unsent text rambling to your best-friend about how your life is over. Bonus points if there’s wine in a cup (not a wine glass) on the tile next to you and you’re listening to Adele.
2. Behind sunglasses while out in public. Pop in your earbuds so you can’t hear anyone who starts to mutter about, “That girl who is like, totally having a meltdown right now,” and just let it all out. The sunglasses will help deter stares for a little bit, but the more you sniff and whine the less incognito you will be.
3. While riding any form of public transportation. Everyone cries while on a bus. You’re fine.
4. In the card section of Target. Preferably while on the phone with your mom stressing out about how difficult it is to be a grown up. And then you’ll tearfully end up buying a $6 card that has some sort of bullshit, motivational phrase on it to put on your fridge in an effort to pick yourself up.
5. On an airplane. Flying is stressful, so you down too much Barefoot and end up ugly crying while watching How To Be Single and contemplating your own existence and the probability that you will, in fact, die alone.
6. To your favorite bartender. And then he’ll buy you a shot to try and get you to calm the fuck down and you know, stop weeping in his establishment. But the addition of more alcohol will just cause you to cry harder, and you’ll have to see yourself out after embarrassing yourself, causing said bar to become a place you can never go to again.
7. While watching 23 year-olds compete for a 30-something’s attention on ‘The Bachelor’. It will be a combination of cry/laughing because the very idea of crying at something as ludicrous as the goddamn Bachelor is absurd. But you’d be lying if you didn’t admit that seeing 23-year-olds fall in love (even fake, televised love) doesn’t make you slightly insecure.
8. In literally any aisle of Whole Foods. Whole Foods is overwhelming and life is overwhelming and so it’s really easy to get overwhelmed when you’re looking for organic flaxseed crackers and can’t find them.
9. In your shower. No better place to cry. Definitely while drinking wine and listening to Adele. 10/10 recommend.