1. Stayed up until far past three in the morning my time so I could respond to an email from someone who I know lives in London at a reasonable hour for them.
2. Stared at a pot of homemade tofu pad thai that I added a tablespoon of sesame seeds to for a solid 20 minutes because I had a reaction to a sesame sauce a month ago, and I was debating the risk to reward factor of what would happen if I started to have an allergic episode if I ate it.
3. Attempted to do the math to figure out how much exact weight I would lose if I stopped drinking for an entire month.
4. Spent $50 on mascara because I found out my computer was broken.
5. Cried while standing in line at an ATM because I thought about my future and retirement and all of that shit and it just got to be a bit much.
6. Read a good two hours worth of articles online about the likelihood/dangers of becoming addicted to nasal spray.
7. Woken up in a panic because I thought my dog was dying when she was in fact, snoring.
8. Convinced myself that my dog has cancer.
9. Convinced myself that my dog doesn’t even like me, she just uses me for food. (Okay this one might be true.)
10. Strongly considered asking one of my best friends to go out with me so that we don’t have to die alone.
11. Gave myself 3 stress, picking and over-blowing related bloody noses.
12. Taken photos of said bloody noses. Because I’m a LADY.
13. Paced around my apartment for 6 and a half hours because I made a mistake at work and I was thoroughly, unshakably convinced that it would result in my termination.
14. Ended up running for an hour after the 6 and a half hours of pacing and nearly puking from exhaustion because it wasn’t a good idea on a full stomach.
15. Decided that a colleague hates me and is out to get me.
16. Debated getting a nose job.
17. And botox.
18. And micro-lipo.
19. Unconsciously ripped the skin on the side of my thumb from above the bed of my nail all the way down to my knuckle while freaking out internally about various things.
20. Then ended up spending a good hour reading about dermatillomania, and deciding I have it.
21. Thought about my teeth falling out to the point where I was “testing” each one to see if they were loose.
22. Been too stressed out to go to the grocery store.
23. Found those “match your breathing with this graphic” things to be highly patronizing and too much pressure.
24. Decided I am a failure in every aspect of life, and that is why I was dumped or ghosted in my last 4 relationships.
25. Made myself throw up because I thought it would make me feel better.
26. Drank so much tea in one day I peed like, 22 times. Once a little bit while I was doing yoga. Don’t judge me.
27. Cried during hot yoga.
28. Cried while taking a bath and watching Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.
29. Cried while writing this listicle about the stupid things I’ve been doing because I’m anxious.
30. Sent out Snapchats in hopes that someone will talk to me.
31. Ignored Snapchats because I don’t have anything to say.
32. Considered moving back in with my parents at 27 so I could just eat Chex Mix and watch HGTV because honestly, that sounds like a far more balanced life.