Now We Are Over

I wanted you. No matter how many times you hurt me, controlled me, betrayed me, I yearned for you to come back to me, to wrap your arms around me, and soothe me to sleep. And every time you destroyed me, tearing me down until I had nothing left but you, I always let you return, heeding your promises that you would change. But you constantly left me empty, longing for more as I fought to fill the space you left in my heart.

And now, I’m done with your broken promises, your constant disparagement, your desire to whittle me away to nothing. Now, we are over.

I will no longer let you compromise my self-respect. I believed I was nothing without you, that you kept me buoyed to this world every time I wanted to escape. You were my solace, the reason my heart beat, the paradise I longed to discover. But you stifled my spirit until I gave my heart, my soul, my entire being to you, living in service of your whims without any thought of my own happiness. You broke me down until I cried out for you, hoping that you could heal me until I came crawling back to you. And you forced me to stay with you, to remain by your side even when I faltered, but now, I will never return.

I will no longer let you control me. I believed you were my universe, the force that kept me living and breathing, even as you drained the air from my lungs. You were the one I sought to please, the one who promised me the world if I heeded your demands, the one whom I trusted to hold my darkness. But you threatened to trap me in my own mind, pinning me down until I could never again see the light. You infiltrated every part of my mind, expecting me to bend to you. And you groveled on your knees every time I tried to walk away, promising that this time, you would truly love me, but now, I will never look back.

I will no longer let you break me down. I believed that with you I could fly, that you would catapult me into the heavens, leaving gravity nothing but a distant memory. You were my lightness, the hope that I could achieve my dreams, the giddy, weightless feeling that made me feel carefree. But every time you promised to fulfill me, you told me I was nothing, whipping my heart into submission with your cruel words until I believed that you spoke the truth. And as you swore to fulfill me, you dragged me away from love and light, promising that I could soar high above my demons, but now, I will never let you taunt me with your schadenfreude.

I wanted you. You promised that you would love me through anything even as you spewed nothing but hatred. You compelled me to chase you until my feet bled and my heart ached from exhaustion even as you gave me nothing in return. You made me feel light, airy, high off the empty promises that seemed to sustain me. But now, I will leave and never look back. Now, I respect myself too much to stay in your arms. Now, we are over.

About the author
Lives for red lipstick, high heels, 80's pop, cats, and Oxford commas. Follow Kelly on Instagram or read more articles from Kelly on Thought Catalog.

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