Is there a natural, organic way to make a man obsessed with you in healthy ways, without playing mind games? The answer is, yes, but these actions have to come from a grounded and empowered place of knowing you can take him or leave him. Do not try the following strategies on toxic men or men you are fundamentally incompatible with or men who already seem flaky and emotionally unavailable or narcissistic from the onset – they can certainly succeed, but they won’t help you in the long run if you want a high-quality partner. Simply use these to connect more with men who actually meet your standards and where there is clear evidence of consistent interest.
Keep your distance naturally at the beginning by focusing on yourself and prioritizing your goals. Be the main character. It may seem counterintuitive, but ironically the reason people become obsessed with you is because you’re obsessed with yourself. That is why naturally self-focused women always have men vying for their attention and double texting them on the daily. You’ve probably experienced this yourself when you’ve forgotten to text a man back while pursuing an activity you love, working on a project, or hanging out with your friends – they will keep reaching out to you because they develop a curiosity about what you’re up to and what could possibly be more important than them. Make your energy and effort scarce until he is showing to you he is worth the time and energy, and even then, do not go overboard trying to shower him with affection in return – men don’t like doting people-pleasers, they actually obsess over self-focused women who have their own lives, as much as they complain about those women. Consider that many men have been socialized to have “Main Character” syndrome – that is why many women report and complain that while they ask men important questions on dates, men rarely reciprocate in the same manner, sometimes even centering themselves when women share details about themselves! You can be the “main character” without being as obnoxious, however – simply realize you must deprogram yourself from the belief that men are the center of your existence and decenter them. From now on, you are, and you have to think about what you want, desire, and need and redirect your focus any time you start ruminating over a man. This will ensure that a man has to add value to your life for you to remain interested in him, which is actually what piques his interest.
Master your emotions. Gaining emotional mastery in the dating world is a must if you want to date high-quality men and also have a fulfilling life overall. Before you take any actions toward a man, get into the habit of asking yourself, “Am I doing this from a place of power, or uncertainty?” If you’re urgently seeking a sense of safety, give it to yourself first. Practice grounding and mindfulness techniques and then take aligned action from that place of security. For example, if a man starts texting less and your natural inclination is to keep chasing him, take a breath and refocus on yourself instead. Tend to the tasks you have to get done, find a pleasurable distraction, call a friend, absorb yourself in a hobby, interest, or dream you want to pursue. Then, reassess whether this man is actually right for you. It’s from this place of inner peace that you can flourish.
Engage in a cost-benefits analysis throughout the relationship. Many women in the dating world have a tendency to hold onto incompatible relationships beyond the expiration date of the relationship. Any time you start dating a man, it’s important to start pulling away and withdrawing whenever he exhibits behavior you’re not comfortable with or doesn’t meet your standards or boundaries. For example, if he cancels on a date last-minute or suggests going on a low-effort date, you may choose not to respond or tell him you have other plans and start detaching from communication to prevent him from getting continued access to you. Do a cost-benefits analysis whenever possible when dating a man – is he benefiting you? Or is he detracting energy and time away from you and your goals, diminishing your peace, and having a detrimental effect on your mental health? Men do all this time and drop women that threaten their self-interest all the time! It’s time to adopt this mentality for yourself.
Have other options. If you’re dating someone and not exclusive yet, you don’t owe anyone exclusivity. Men take advantage of their options before they settle down (some even do after they settle down – but that’s a different story) and are encouraged to be lifelong bachelors. You’re allowed to date multiple partners if you want and get to know whomever you wish, and yes, you’re allowed to date partners you’re both physically and mentally attracted to – don’t let society or media convince you otherwise and don’t settle for less. Don’t feel obligated to stick to just one man or get hyper-focused and fixated on someone you’re just getting to know. Explore your options and enjoy yourself. Find out what traits and qualities you like in the men you date, and the ones you’d rather avoid. Dating is about discovery, not fear, obligation, or guilt.
Develop an untouchable self-concept. Take time to be single and work on your self-concept – this is different from self-esteem, although they can affect each other. Your self-concept contains all the beliefs you have about yourself, including beliefs about your relation to the world and others. Remind yourself of your positive characteristics and why a potential dating partner would be lucky to have you in their life – celebrate your humor, your intelligence, your beauty, your strength, your talents, your gifts, your personality and what people love about you. Appreciate and honor your uniqueness and what you bring to the table. Take inventory of your limiting beliefs about yourself and reprogram these with healthier, more empowering beliefs. “I am important and valuable” and “I deserve the very best in relationships” can be vital beliefs to instill in your self-concept. This untouchable self-concept will always serve you well, whether you’re single, actively dating, or in a romantic relationship with a high-quality man.
