Latest Posts

All My Ex-Drug Dealers

The second-to-last time I saw Darnelle I was going to buy a large quantity of weed from one of his connects because mine was out of town and he set me up to get robbed. The last time I saw him he gave me ~200 Xanax (~1/4th the value of the money he stole from me) and apologized.

The First Time I Took A Girl To The Movies

The movie time was established through a series of AOL Instant Messenger and text messages. Her buddy profile, in large pink font, read “Age ain’t nothin’ but a number,” which, in retrospect, seems incredibly strange, especially for a 16 year old, but when one is going through puberty most everything can be overlooked or ignored in the name of a potential make-out session.

Gucci Mane Heading Back To Prison

The 31-year-old rapper/CEO, who was recently released from Fulton County prison this past July for a number of probation violations brought on by an arrest for driving on the wrong side of the road, plead guilty on Tuesday to “two counts of battery, two counts of reckless conduct, and one count of disorderly conduct for pushing a woman out of his Hummer on January 28.”

How To Be Cool In High School

Be in a band when your sophomore year starts. This is the new you. Play shows at houses, coffee shops and occasionally small venues. Become friends with older kids in better bands. Adopt radical leftist values and talk about them over late night PBRs and American Spirits at one of their duplexes in a nearby college town.

What I Did the Last Five Black Fridays

I walked around the mall. Sydney and Mike bought me “Kissable Massage Lotion” from Victoria’s Secret. At some point, I saw the zombie people being escorted out of the mall by an overweight security guard.

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