As far as sex is concerned, ignorance is not bliss. Communication with your partner is key and while a lot of this communication is and should be non-verbal, there’s still a bunch of stuff that gets asked that both men and women take flack for. I mean, I know that I’ve definitely had questions about some of the women I’ve been with that I was just embarrassed to ask even though, in the moment, I needed to know. We shouldn’t have to be ashamed of these things and we really need to start getting over the idea that some sex questions are going to be embarrassing to ask especially when they’re in relation to someone you’re actually having sex with either for the first time or the 100th.

1. Did You Cum? Did You?!!!

I think every man has likely asked this at some point and if you haven’t then it’s likely you just don’t care…which is laaaame. Asking this question is often frowned upon for 2 reasons as far as I can tell. The first is that she didn’t cum and so now she feels embarrassed or pressured. The second is that you should know whether she came or not which I think is completely unfair. Women don’t just have one kind of orgasm. It’s not all toe curling, glute flexing heartstoppers out there in sexy land. Women have lots of different kinds of orgasms from the much talked about toe curler to the more seldom talked about low grade “waves of nice” orgasm. In the later case, it’s often difficult to tell whether an orgasm has occurred or the buildup to an orgasm has occurred which is why I think it’s okay to ask. Just don’t ask in an accusatory manner and don’t be frustrated. Truly, this can often be the question that opens up a lot of possibilities sexually because you can’t do things differently if you don’t know you should.

Also, ladies, if you’ve gotten this question after experiencing the best 30 seconds of your life then this is an opening for you to speak up. Take it as sincere so you can get this rabbit man back on the right track to Blissville (that’s in Hawaii, btw).

2. Am I Hurting You, BB?

I have to ask this one a lot because my huge D tends to just hurt everyone around me…j/k. Seriously though, this one is often thought of as the humblebrag of sexual questions. The implication being that, yes, my enormous shaft simply cannot be contained by you or any woman. If that’s how it’s being used then it’s absolutely rude and just desperately asking for a compliment.

HOWEVER, I have known women that were too polite and were willing to grin and bear a few minutes of uncomfortable to semi uncomfortable sex in order to not stop my flow. Some actually LIKED the discomfort but for those that don’t, they need to be asked this question so that an honest yes! can be expressed. In the heat of the moment guys can all jump in too quickly sometimes and it’s not going to kill the flow to take a few seconds to get things right downstairs.

Of course, you’ve got to know the difference between “please tell me my D is huge” and “seriously, I think you might be in pain.”

3. Do You Like That? I Ask Because I Don’t Know What Men Like!

This one has always been a little weird to me. Guys have you ever been with a woman who has, y’know, maybe just started engaging in a bit of the ol’ oral, she hasn’t really even done anything yet, and then she looks up and asks you “do you like that?” This has happened to me several times and my first thought was always “like what?” which  was accompanied by a feeling of mild revulsion much akin to the recipient of a humblebrag “am I hurting you.” The obvious need for validation was clear to the extreme…

And you know what, that’s fucking okay. So some women are nervous about giving oral and, well, lots of other sexual things as well. I’ve long since gotten over the need for women I’m with to be super duper confidence monsters the first time out because they’re real people with real insecurities and, more importantly, a real desire to get sex right.

Bravo for you for asking, young lady. Yes, that feels good and you are awesome for wanting it to. Revulsion deleted. Don’t ever be mean to someone who’s sincerely trying to make you feel good.

4. What Do I Do With These Testicles?

Yes, we all know you have little to no idea what to do with them. Your every halting action pleads “clarify!!!!” You have no idea how much pressure is too much or too little and so you clumsily pat, suckle, bounce, and just generally hurt your way through the trial and error process until he just moves you away from the Dangles Twins.

Just ask. Ask so that you can get a baseline for what absolutely does not hurt and what absolutely will get him to scream in pain. There’s no reason you would have these answers. There’s no way you can relate. It’s the same with men and having no idea that boobs could actually be hurt, seriously.

So ask…and also, shave them for me. I’ve probably said too much.

5. You’ve Got Protection, Right?

Yeah, so this one seems to place the responsibility for birth control squarely upon the woman in the situation. It seems to be saying “you’re supposed to make sure you don’t get pregnant. I’m just here for the lulz!”

Unless he’s cheap/thoughtless in other parts of his life then it’s not what he’s about. Counter to what seems to be a sort of common belief, men don’t usually just carry condoms around with them everywhere. For one thing there’s not a good place to carry them. Sure, we can put them in our pockets but we don’t have big pockets unless you want us rolling out in cargo pants every day. I have a smartphone in one pocket with my chapstick and a key ring with lots of keys on the other. I’m not going to put it in with my smartphone because i’m constantly taking that out of my pocket and i’m not going to put it in with my keys because they’re sharp. I’m not going to put it in my back pocket because I don’t want to damage the condom from sitting down, getting up, sitting down. Constantly carrying a condom just isn’t as practical as it seems. Plus, it’s not like we’re getting laid every time we go out for drinks/coffee. So, we just don’t always carry them. However, we KNOW you have a purse and tons of room for a condom. It’s not that we’re lazy, it’s just that we didn’t know this was going to happen!

Hey, he’s concerned for both of you and he WOULD have brought a condom had he known. Don’t take this as a personal sign of his universal misogyny. He’s trying to get this going and he would have done better had he known he was going to get to lie down with a hot thing like you.